Dragon's Loyalty Award

Thank you so much to Eve (Pen&Key) for nominating me for this! If you haven't seen her blog before, check it out - she's awesome! 

I'm not great with tags and awards, but I'll try my best to follow the rules :)

Rules:

• Display the award on your blog
• Announce your win with a post and acknowledge the person who nominated you
• Present the award to 15 deserving bloggers
• Post seven interesting facts about yourself

Seven (kind of) interesting facts about me:

1) Two days ago my best friend Ellie came round for a sleepover and we tried to dye our hair... it didn't go very well for either of us! My hair was supposed to turn mint green, but my hair is so many different shades of blonde that it didn't work. It looks almost exactly the same, only there are a few sewage-tones mixed in, weirdly enough. Ellie also tried to bleach her hair, but we ran out of bleach before we managed to get to the back layers of her hair. She then tried to dye it pale blue, but because of the bleach (as well as the fact that it had previously been dyed red), it is now many different shades of blue. Both of our dye will last for 2-10 washes (apart from Ellie's bleach, which is permanent). 

2) Last night I watched a film called "Nowhere Boy" about John Lennon and the formation of The Beatles. I'm not a massive fan of the band of anything (I've not got anything against them either!) - I mainly watched it because Thomas Brodie-Sangster is Paul McCartney... #sorrynotsorry 

Either way, it was really good and included many amazing actors - I would definitely recommend it, even if you are not particularly interested in the musical aspect, because it's really gripping!

3) As I am writing this, I was supposed to be filming a YouTube video, but both my brother and sister invited their friends round and are currently unleashing blood-curdling screams on our trampoline. It is very very annoying, and I am contemplating whether, due to the fact that they are already screaming and howling, anyone would notice if I murdered them... tempting... 

4) Today I was supposed to host a Q&A on my channel, but due to the fact that I want to make another video that I planned quite a while ago and I didn't really get many contributions to the video *cue sad music*, I ditched that idea (I might film it next week instead, I'm not sure). 

5) I really wish I had professional YouTube lighting due to the fact that all of my videos heavily depend on daylight and sitting by my window. 

6) Next month I will be going to France for a few days to attend the wedding of a relative I haven't met since I was a toddler. This also means that I need to go dress and shoe shopping, considering I don't own many formal clothes. 

7) I am trying to make many YouTube videos during the holidays, as Year 11 is officially exam year, and I know that I will be lacking free time! I don't think I'll struggle too much with blogging, because I don't have to worry too much about editing, whereas making videos can take aaaages!

Due to the fact that me and Eve pretty much follow the exact same people, I don't have anyone to nominate for this award, but if you're reading this, feel free to post your own seven facts! I know that's the lazy option, and isn't really how awards are supposed to work, but I really don't know who to nominate!

Speak to you soon,

Lucy x

Run Away - A Poem

There are some days when I want to run away. 
Not like they do in movies,
where the rebellious teenager leaves home
to prove a point to their overbearing parents,

But simply to escape life,
to a world without people,
where there is no one to keep track of time
or tell me right from wrong. 

A world where I can take off,
leaving all my worries back down on the ground,
soaring higher and higher until they become
tiny specks in the distance. 
Far beneath me at last. 

I think these thoughts on days when
classrooms are cages and
friendships are flimsy branches
that tremble beneath my toes.

On these days, I would want nothing more
but to feel the wind beneath the wings
that beat in time to my racing heartbeat. 

But even golden moments don't last forever,
and I know that it would be only a matter of time
before gravity caught up with me,
sending me hurting back down to Earth,
the branches of the trees scraping me
as I descend through the canopy,
the land finally crushing my wings.

Which is why I know I need to stay in the nest. 


After the very positive response I received on my last poem video, I thought it might be cool to share another one. Please feel free to tell me what you think in the comments and click "like" on the video if you enjoy it :) Hopefully, I'll be uploading another video fairly soon, too. 

Speak to you soon,
Lucy x

The end of a year.

Tomorrow is the last day of Year 10, which also means that it is the last day of school before we officially start exam year, which feels very weird. For years now, my GCSEs have seemed very distant, and general attitude being "If you got a good grade in your test - great! If not, you still have ages before your actual exams! You'll be fine!!". 

Only now, it is different. Our GCSE exams are suddenly upon us and there is no one there to brush it off and say "You'll be fine, it's not the real thing!". 

I don't know why this comes as much as a surprise to me. Although it often excites me, I've never been great with change, and there is something terrifying about getting a bad grade on a test and someone then speculating what that will mean for my future, even if it may not be the real thing. 

Either way, I technically did start my GCSEs this year in that I took my since exams: biology, physics and chemistry (I meant to write about these but, as you can probably imagine, I didn't have much time on my hands!). Sadly, I'm not too great at science. I don't have a very technical brain - I am more creative. My favourite subjects are English and drama, mainly because I like the way both of these things can spark emotion in people as well as empathise with them. I enjoy creating characters and creating situations just as much as I enjoy playing them and throwing myself into those situations.

Although I do like that I am deeply interested in these things, sometimes I do wish that my talents laid in the technical subjects, such as maths, the sciences and ICT. Quite often I stumble across this post on tumblr that expresses how, when students struggle with creative/arty subjects, they are simply reassured that they just don't have a "creative mind" or whatever, whereas when a student struggles with technical subjects, people assume that they are stupid. As someone who often struggled with technical subjects, that post speaks to me a lot. A few months ago I quit my weekly maths tutoring that had been going on for roughly a year (I think) and it was SUCH A RELIEF. Although the place was alright and the people were friendly, I can definitely think of better things to do on my Friday evenings or Saturday mornings than walking up the road to do simultaneous equations or some stupid crap where I would stare at a jumble of signs and numbers with my brain screaming "WAAAT". Since then, my maths has improved A LOT (considering the fact that when I turned up, I couldn't do basic multiplications that I should have learnt in Year 4, or subtract large amounts without using a number line - basically, there were massive gaps in my knowledge!). 

But when it came to sciences, I was still slightly wobbly. I tend to be alright at biology - in some cases, it can genuinely interest me, especially when we are learning about the brain and how it works (just please don't make me dissect anything because I don't personally agree with it, okay). Chemistry and physics tend to be the dodgy ones. However, when it came to my GCSEs, I had to forget that. In the weeks building up to those exams, I revised like hell. This meant a lot of burying my head in textbooks and moaning to my mum that the information in them were just LOTS OF WORDS IN A RANDOM ORDER. 

Honestly, I'd like to tell you how they went, but I have absolutely no idea. I just remember that I was horribly ill and the time (wow, great time to fail me, Immune System - just in time for my first GCSEs!!) and had to suppress my snuffles throughout each and every exam - I just didn't want to be that one kid who sneezes really loudly right in the middle of the test!

We were all so nervous. I got to the end of every exam and had no idea how I'd done or what kind of grade I might receive in August - I was in shock, especially after my very first one. I remember it was a biology exam and I was scared like hell, but I was told that I looked confident because I did what I do before performing. I put on a smile like I knew something that everyone else didn't/I was about to turn the place to the ground, stood up straight and held my head high. It's amazing how confident it can make me feel, especially when I want nothing more than to escape the situation I'm in. 

At first, I was fine. Among a sea of flustered, panicky people, I held my sandwich bag full of everything I would need (pencils, pens, etc.) and pulled my most dangerous face. Afterwards was different. 

As soon as we left the exam hall and everyone started gushing about the exam, some exclaiming "It was so easy" or "It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be!" and some with a horror-struck look on their face that screamed "OH-SHIT-OH-SHIT-OH-SHIT". 

I was on a completely new level, staring into the distance in a kind of trance. 

This spell broke as we approached our lockers to retrieve our bags and I started messing around with my friends as I had suddenly become really hyper. In the end, things got a bit out of hand and I dropped a very heavy lock on my friend's hand as she was crouched on the floor, which looked very very very painful, and I kind of cracked out of the sudden shock, as my hyper-ness was immediately replaced with the all the fear I had for my future. 

I think it would have been better if I had been certain of my grades, because then I wouldn't have to endure the terror or uncertainty. My friends immediately put me back in place by exploding into the rant of "LUCY WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE SO SMART SHH" that I usually hear whenever I have a freak-out like this. 

Even now, I still don't know how I did. My results come in August, so that shall be interesting. Nevertheless, I know that there's nothing I could possibly do to change them now. 

I think that when people think of your last years of secondary school though, they often forget that exams aren't the only things going on. I have changed and grown so much over the past year, and I just think that there's so much else that you can also focus on. 

For instance, I have had very few panic attacks this year as I have become better at controlling and stopping them when I feel them coming. 

I have become better at telling people how I feel in order to make things right. 

I have formed quite a few new friendships and have strengthened some older ones.

I started my YouTube channel and reached over 100 subscribers. 

My blog reached its one year anniversary(!!!!). 

Yeah - I totally forgot that initially! I realised this just before I started writing this, like "Hey, didn't I start my blog just before the summer holidays last year?" and yeah, it did... three days ago (oops!). It's such a crazy thought. These kinds of things don't really cross my mind. 

Thank you to everyone who reads my blog today, whether you found it yesterday or were one of the very first readers :) Feel free to leave your blog in the comments if you'd like me to check it out!

I'm going to leave you now as I struggle to make last-minute after school plans with my friends :) Happy holidays to all of you!

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

Drowning - a poem

In the begininning, I'm floating,
my body resting peacefully on the clear blue water
that stretches out as far as the eye can see.
Blissfully unaware.

I don't see the tidal wave coming.
It has built up over a long time,
constructed of my anxieties and fears and doubts,
I can feel it, even before it reaches me,
though I cannot see it. 

It plagues the sea.
The sky that was once calm and peaceful
is now dark and enraged.
The lightning that slices through the clouds 
reaches out to grab me,
and the water threatens to envelop me 
at any moment. 

And then the wave is upon me,
crashing into me,
knocking me off balance.
Suddenly, I have forgotten what it is to float.

At first, I trash around, 
trying to grip onto something, anything,
in order to feel stable again,
but I feel only the water slipping through my fingertips. 

I am slowly being submerged
by the thing that was once supporting me.
I feel my heart plunge into the depths,
sinking. 

My chin is just above the water now. 
I scream for help, but there is no one to be seen. 

In my mouth, I begin to taste salt. 

Eventually, I stop struggling
and let myself fall. 
Immediately, I feel the water stinging my eyes
and filling my nose.
I can't breathe. 

I hit the bottom,
the impact releasing the last of the air from my lungs. 

At that moment, I see them;
the people on their raft,
the people who could have saved me. 
I hear their muffled, familiar voices,
talking, laughing,
as they glide across the glimmering water,
Blissfully unaware.

I wrote this poem yesterday at one o'clock in the morning, as my mind was refusing to shut up and I felt that the only way I could get past this was through writing (this kind of thing happens regularly!). I think it's reasonably good for something that was written while I was incredibly sleep deprived - my eyes were actually blurring from the tiredness! 

Although I love writing (like, a lot) I don't usually write poetry, and haven't done so in over a year, I think. It's only something I've ever done for school, but apparently I also like doing it at 1am on a Sunday too... 

Please leave a comment on my video or leave a comment below telling me what you think, and click "like" if you enjoy this style of video. This kind of thing is very new for me - as you will have discovered from my last blog post, I write a lot, though I don't often share it - so it would be nice to get some feedback :)

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

The Wheelbarrow - Descriptive Writing

This post is going to be very different from the content I usually post, as it is a piece of descriptive writing that I started in my last English lesson. Although I do very much enjoy writing, I've never shared a fiction piece on my blog, despite the fact that I have used wattpad many times in the past. I hope you enjoy :)

Sending the wheelbarrow hurtling over the cracked, uneven slabs of pavement, it was like looking at life in slow-motion. Everything seemed so vibrant, so bright, even on that grey winters day in the grimy, concrete street. I watched as Alice threw her back back over the side of the end of the red, rusted wheelbarrow in glee, her crazed laugh bringing an instant smile to my face, as it always did. Her cream bonnet almost flew off in the breeze, and she squealed, clapping her hand over her head, steadying herself by clinging to the edge with the other. Honey blonde curls escaped from her intricate, pin-up hairstyle, bouncing about her freckled face. Her emerald green eyes were gleaming, staring straight at me, making me feel as if everything else in the world was gone until there was only her. Everything about her seemed to glow, leaving me incapable of doing anything but basking in her light. 

I know it's a bit random. We had to look at a drawing called 'Blackstairs' by L.S. Lowrie and write descriptions of the different characters and their backgrounds. This one is of The Wheelbarrow Children - which I decided weren't just children, but lovers (because I literally need to ship everyone I see!). Looking at a higher-resolution version of the piece, I can see now that the people aren't anything like that (I have a feeling they might be a father and son), but it's too late now. I hope you like my writing anyway :)

Let me know if you'd like to see any more of my writing, because I actually tend to write a lot, haha. 

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

My latest YouTube video:

In memory of Hayley the guinea pig

? - 01/07/15