Monday 28 December 2015

No Longer a Grey Sky (soulmate AU)

My blogging friend, Eve (Pen&Key) recently wrote a tumblr-inspired soulmate AU in which the whole world is black and white until you meet your soulmate, and I love these so much that I decided to write my own! It's very long (over 2000 words long, to be specific), so I hope you don't mind that, but I enjoyed writing it ^.^


There was what my sister would describe as a “grey sky” looming over me that morning as I left my apartment. I supposed Lauren would know what that looked like, having met her soulmate at the tender age of seven (!!) - a boy named Alex. Nine years later, and they were still inseparable. Some of us are just lucky, I guess. I wouldn’t know what a grey sky looked like – everything seemed grey to me. Every sky, tree, house, face, dress and street remained the same colour in my eyes, wherever I went.

I was wearing my black skinny jeans paired with my navy blue duffel coat. Lauren was always telling me that I should dress in brighter colours, but I didn’t see the point. It was hardly as if I was going to appreciate them. I was more worried at the idea of my soulmate than the absence of colour in my life, or even the question all the girls my age seemed to be asking: Will I ever find The One? Sometimes I wondered whether I really wanted to meet my soulmate. What if he was a creep, or rude, or an idiot? What if fate messed up and I ended up hating him? I didn’t think I could have coped.

Either way, I knew that some people could go their entire lives without meeting their soulmates – my mum being one of them. Neither mine nor Lauren’s dad had been her soulmate, and although I knew she tried her best to hide her hurt, I could always tell how it really made her feel. I saw the look on her face when Lauren tried to show her a painting she’d made in school and she couldn’t tell whether it was of a blue bird or a robin, and the flash of pain in her eyes every bonfire night as people gazed in awe at the explosions of colour in the sky. The absence of colour served as a constant reminder of her loneliness. As a child, every time I saw that look on her face, I swore to myself that I would never let myself become consumed by the search for my soulmate. Not just because he could have been anywhere in the world, dead, or in the arms of another, but because I did not ever want to end up like my mother, awash with the dim grey of despair that had been her life for forty-eight years.

I had to be the only eighteen-year-old in the country who hadn’t signed up to at least one soulmate meeting agency. There were hundreds out there, advertisements for them bombarding TVs and billboards. Hundreds of thousands of desperate people of all ages, waiting for the flash of colour that awaited them upon first laying eyes on The One. They said that when you met them, it was like two halves of a person coming together to make a whole, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle connecting. I personally hated the thought. Who did they think they were, telling me that I was just one half of a whole, like I wasn’t a complete human being? If that was what having a soulmate felt like – being half a person – I was perfectly happy the way I was.

I was on my way to the park that day, hoping for some inspiration for my artwork. I’m not going to lie – it’s difficult being an artist when the only colour you know is grey. It was getting increasingly difficult to become an artist at this time, as more and more people began to discover colour - partly due to the modern dating agencies, but I didn’t care. I used coloured pencils in my work, using them according to the colour I thought the thing might be – I knew trees were supposed to be green, as well as grass, and the sun was supposed to be yellow, and my pencils had colour labels on them so that I could tell them apart. Other than that, I experimented. People like me were criticised often by the art community, and it was difficult to become successful.

“How can you use colours in your work when you have such a poor understanding of colour itself?”

“Find your soulmate, and come back again when you can actually see colour”.

Their words rang through my ears. 

As I walked through the park, I passed mothers pushing their children on swings and families having picnics on the grass. One mother had a wide book spread across her lap with her little girl peering over her shoulder.
“And what happened next, Mummy?” she squealed between mouthfuls of jam sandwich.
Turning the page, her mother replied, “The kiss awakening her from her hundred year sleep, she was met with a burst of colour as she laid eyes upon the handsome prince, and she knew that they were meant to be together. And they lived happily ever after!”

I kept walking past the playground to the quiet spot of the park where I usually sat when I needed peace and quiet. Living in an apartment, my neighbours were often too noisy for me to concentrate, and there wasn’t another place like this in the whole city. I sat on the wooden bench, half concealed by the canopy of leaves above my head – convenient for if it started to rain – and began to unpack my notebook and pencils. To my right, I had a view of the stream that ran all the way through the park and to several others across the city, the clear water rolling over the stones and under the bridge. Not many people came here, as there was nothing for the children to play on, but to me, the stream, bridge and still nature made it perfect. I spotted a birds nest perched on a tree branch just above the stream, and began to sketch.

I don’t know how long I had been drawing for when I first heard a splashing sound coming from down the stream, as if something was ploughing through it. It had begun to rain, yet still I remained dry beneath the layer of leaves above my head. The splashing was followed by the sound of barking, and later on by shouts. This was the first time I had ever been disturbed in my spot, and I was surprised someone had stumbled across it, even if it was just a dog.

“Wait!” I heard the voice behind it shout, a man’s voice, but he was too late. Before I was aware of what was happening, a white and grey husky burst through the canopy, its fur weighed down by a mixture of rain and stream water. I couldn’t help but laugh at the sopping wet creature bounding towards me, its now flat tail wagging at a thousand miles a minute.
“Hey!” I exclaimed, holding my hand out to pet the over-excited creature, though it had other ideas. I shrieked as the creature about half my size climbed onto my lap as though it were a puppy, soaking my dry jeans and duffel coat as it licked my face.
“Rose! Where are you, you stupid dog?” he man’s voice shouted, though the “stupid” part sounded more endearing than angry. I saw his Converse pacing around through the leaves of the canopy, a dog lead trailing behind him in the damp grass.
“She’s in here!” I shouted back, laughing.
“Thank you”, I heard him reply as his Converse approached the canopy “I’m sorry for troubling you, she gets like this sometimes…” His voice trailed off as his gaze found mine, and the colours around me came to life.

It’s difficult to describe colours without using the words “red”, “green”, “purple”, etc. It’s like there was a whole world I had been missing. We both stared at each other in awe. His face was pale, but it wasn’t white. There were many different colours mixed in – colours I didn’t have the words to describe yet. It made his cheeks warm despite the freezing weather and rain, and his hair was the colour I imagined the sun to be – burning and glowing. Was this what blond hair looked like? His coat was the same colour as the grass beneath his feet and his trousers were a bright colour, much more vivid than mine… I guessed it right be red. I looked down at my own clothes. So this was what navy blue looked like – dark, as it had been before, but there was more to it than that, other things mixed in.

“Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing this” he muttered, and I choked out shocked laughter.
“No, you’re not”. I looked down at Rose and noticed the colour of her eyes – an icy blue, startling and bright, very unlike the blue of my coat. She grinned at me, tongue hanging out, and it’s like I could hear her speaking to me.

You’re welcome, she said, before jumping off my lap to reunite with her owner. I stood up and walked towards the man, who I now saw was about my age.

When we were face-to-face, I said “Your eyes… they’re green. Dark green, like the leaves”.
“Yours are brown, I think, a bit like the bark of the trees - but they’ve got loads of different colours in them too. It’s not just brown, it’s… I- I don’t think I have the words”, he laughed nervously. With a start, I remembered something, picking up the notebook from the ground, where it landed after Rose knocked it out of my hands. His eyes widened.
“Oh God, I’m really sorry about that. She thinks she’s tiny”.
“It’s fine, it doesn’t matter now”, I said, waving his concerns away. I looked at my picture now and realised how wrong I’d been. “It’s just that – look – I drew the bark the same colour as the leaves. I couldn’t tell the difference”, I said with a laugh.
“Still, you’re really good at drawing!” he told me before reaching down to pick up my box full of pencils, which I had thankfully shut before Rose jumped on me. He opened them and stared for a second, reading the colour annotations.
“…So that’s what orange looks like”, he remarked as if it was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.
“That's... awesome”. I said, a smile spreading across my face as I looked through the rainbow of colours lying in the box.

As we waited for the rain to stop, we learned a bit about each other. He introduced himself as Aaron and told me that he was in town to visit his brother, who moved here last year, though he brought Rose along too, as everyone he knew was scared to look after her on their own. I laughed at that. I told him my name was Amelia and explained that my sister had found her soulmate at just seven years old, so I felt as if the pressure was on. I even told him about how I felt about how cynical I felt about the idea of The One, and for once, wasn’t looked at like I was crazy. 

When I thought about the idea of two halves coming together to become one person, I did not feel at all like one half of a whole. When he looked at me, I could not have felt any more complete – like I was the most whole person he had ever seen.

For the next hour or so, we wandered the park side by side with the box of pencils, pointing out things like the colours of playing equipment and people’s clothes, matching them to their colours; a man in a bright orange rain coat, a little boy in yellow wellies. We stopped one girl and complimented her on her blue hair, and she was so taken-aback she blurted out “My boyfriend’s hair is green!”


It was dark by the time we had finished wandering the entire park, and I felt like I had seen every colour in the world - though I knew that as long as we were together, there was an infinite amount of them out there, just waiting to be discovered. He had opened my eyes for the first time in my life, and I knew I was never going back to black and white. 


I don't personally agree with the idea of soulmates, fate and the whole "everything happens for a reason" thing, but I find the idea of soulmates entertaining, and I hope you enjoyed this blog post. 

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

Saturday 26 December 2015

The return of the Christmas face

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas/holiday season (whichever is more important to you!). I got multiple pokemon hats, so I am pretty happy with the gifts I received! If you celebrate Christmas, feel free to tell me your favourite present(s) in the comments ^.^

It seems to have been a thing over the past three years that I take a selfie on Christmas day with what has turned into my Christmas face so, just to continue the tradition...

2013

2014

2015
(present)

I think I've changed quite subtly since last year, but what even am I in the first picture? Also the quality of my selfies seems to be improving.

I've decided to make it my New Year's Resolution to start writing again. Recently, I've been finding it really hard to put sentences together - not just on my blog, but in my spare time too. Until earlier this week, I can't remember the last time I was working on a story (yes, I am now writing a story!). Since a very young age, I have loved writing, and creating my own content and outlets, but I've been so tired recently that it's impossible to find the energy or creative motivation to write anything. I claimed in November that my blog would be resurrected, but that just hasn't been happening. I think it's mostly down to how tired I am. 

For now, at least, I am writing. I don't know whether I will post some of my stories as blog posts in the future (I don't know how much you guys would be interested my stories, for a start), but if I could create content again, that would be cool. As a quite creative person, it is infuriating when my mind turns blank!

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

Wednesday 11 November 2015

Hello, it's me...

I've tried for so long to create a blog post that summarises the three month break I've taken from blogging, but somehow I can't find the words, so this will have to do. 

Hello, it's me. 


Yes, the gif was necessary. 

One of the main reasons I've felt so determined to write a blog post was because I really don't want to stop blogging altogether. This website was what got me into creating my own content on the internet before my channel or anything else, and I don't want to lose this. As pretentious as it sounds, this blog is a big part of who I am. It's hard to summarise what's been going on since I last blogged, because there is just so much to say. Last week I took my mock GCSE exams. I know that they are mocks, and are not the real thing, but they were so nerve-wracking. It genuinely felt like taking the real thing (and if this is just a small portion of the stress I will receive next year, then I sure am looking forward to that).

The reason why I think they meant so much to me was because they count towards our predicted grades, which our Sixth Form colleges will receive before we take our actual exams. This means that they will be judging us before we even take the exams in the summer, because we not get receive our results immediately following the exams, and the sixth form colleges need something to go on. 

I have not got all of my results back yet as some of my tests are still being marked, though if there's one results that I'm happy with so far is my French reading one, as I received an A*! I've been quite anxious about my French recently as I have felt like I could have been doing better than I have been, so obviously I was thrilled with my mark. Now I need to make sure I focus on my writing assessments, because I have struggled memorising some of those. I think a lot of the pressure I have been feeling could be due to the fact that I have taken French since a young age. You would think this would help, but the fact that I have been learning French for 3-4 years more than everyone else makes me feel like I should always be better, simply because I have that extra experience. At least I now know what I need to focus on to improve!
(Oh God, I sound like a really enthusiastic teacher)

The result that I was definitely dreading the most was definitely my maths result. I have always loathed maths with a fiery passion that resides deep within my soul (it's that bad). What I really hate about maths is that there's no room for opinions or interpretation. Your answer is either right or wrong, which I hate, not only because I find that incredibly boring but also because I am a very opinionated person (I have an opinion on everything!). I know that this is the exact same reason why some people love maths: they'd rather not share their opinion and enjoy the simplicity of the subject.

For some reason though, I was especially nervous about this exam. I had to take two: the non-calculator test and the calculator test. First was the non-calculator test, and I'd been unsatisfied with my results, so I was petrified that I would fail. The calculator test was the last of my exams, so there had been a huge build-up to it. It was like the stress of one exam plus my hatred of maths plus all the stress of the other exams, so needless to say I was glad that I wouldn't have to sit any more after that. 

Long story short, after enduring a rather horrible panic attack before the exam yet still going in to finish it, I ended up passing with a C! I know that for some people a C would be disappointing, but I was so glad I passed as maths is most likely my worst subject (maybe with the exception of PE, but I don't get examined on that), and I thought that was pretty bloody miraculous after having a panic attack beforehand. 

Now that our mock exams our over, the sixth form open days will take place, which I'm excited for. Today I visited the sixth form that I think I am most likely to go to, but obviously I can't be sure yet. Nevertheless, I enjoyed my visit and the atmosphere. I found it weird to see students who weren't in uniform, as I have worn school uniform for as long as I have been in education (though obviously that wasn't the only thing I liked about the place!). 

I think I am going to go now because I am so tired that I feel as if my brain consists of cotton wool, and I have had a long day (I was knocked off my bike this morning on my way to school, but that is a different story). 

Speak to you soon (if I manage to keep this up), 
Lucy xx


My latest video:

Wednesday 2 September 2015

Walking out of the 1940s

This blog post is very different from the kind I would usually make (which, funnily enough would be none at all, because I am lazy), as it is kind of fashion-y-ish. My look in this blog post is partly of inspired by Liesel's look in the movie "The Book Thief" - which, by the way, is amazing. I watched it the other night and loved it - I had to try really hard not to cry (if you know me, you will be aware that I cry at quite a lot of movies). I would definitely recommend the movie, and am currently reading the book. 

Liesel has curly that is in different hairstyles throughout the movie as her hair grows to different lengths, and one of my favourite hairstyles of hers is when it is in bunches. 



My hair is naturally wavy and I'm not usually bothered to use heat on it (I can't straighten my hair as it only gets frizzy and annoying, and my hair is quite straight as it is), so it was quite interesting trying to curl it. I do own overnight hair curlers, though I don't tend to use them because I then have trouble sleeping (my hair is very thick and hair curlers are very lumpy!). 



This time I had to experiment a bit when curling my hair by using hair straighteners. I'd heard that you can curl your hair with straighteners before, and I don't own a curling wand, so this was the next best thing. I failed the first time and had to watch more hair tutorials than I care to admit before I succeeded. I tied my hair in bunches beforehand so that I would have less hair to curl, and I think it turned out alright... 

(keep in mind that this picture was taken after a walk in the rain, my hair was considerably more curly before!)

I also have a small obsession with vintage clothes, so I bought this 1940s style dress off amazon for £16 - which I think very good value for money. I will leave the link here



I didn't do my makeup too differently. I wanted the main focus to be the lips, so I went for a bright pink lipstick (I would have gone for red, but I don't personally think I suit it very much). My eyes are a pale gold colour with a brown outline around the lid, which I think is quite subtle. 

(I like this photo because it is unintentionally dramatic)

I don't know whether I'll continue to buy vintage-style clothes (though I will definitely be curling my hair more often), it just seemed like a really fun thing to do. I think it also temporarily raised my confidence a bit, too - my skin is going crazy at the moment and I can't seem to control it, so trying this out made me feel awesome. Not only that, but school starts tomorrow, and I want to be able to look as crazy as I want before I have to revert back to my usual look of school uniform, combined with eye-bags and rain-drenched hair...

It's not all bad, though - I am definitely excited to see my friends, and I am looking forward to a few classes, such as drama and English. I feel like going back to school with restore some order back to my life (e.g. a sleep schedule!). 

Wishing you the best of luck in the next school year,
Lucy x

What I'm currently listening to:

I have a wattpad, by the way - click here to check it out!
I'll follow back :)

Tuesday 11 August 2015

Anaemia 1, Lucy 0

I'm really sorry to say that I won't be uploading a VEDA video today (I promise I have something in store for tomorrow!). This is due to the fact that my anaemia seems to have worsened since my last video, in which I discussed being a pescatarian and how it has started to affect me. 

You can watch it here, if you like (although it's not necessary for you to understand this blog post):




Brief summary of the video:

  • I am pescatarian (the only meat I eat is fish) and have been for eight months
  • Unfortunately, I have started feeling weak and floppy, and have started sleeping a very unusual amount. 
  • I think this is due to anaemia (an iron deficiency), due to the fact that there is not enough iron in my blood now that I eat minimal meat. 
  • Although this is unfortunate, I do not regret becoming a pescatarian. 
  • I am now taking iron supplements and watching my iron-intake. 
After uploading this video, I had a pretty average day. I had already swam earlier on in the day, so I had used up a lot of energy, and throughout the day I made sure to eat a few things that were rich in iron (including apricots, apparently). I stayed up until 11:45 watching a TV show on Netflix with my parents, and then got ready for bed. 

It was when I was taking off my makeup in the bathroom mirror that I began to feel sick (and not the fever kind). It came on with no warning whatsoever, which was very startling, because only a few seconds before, I had been feeling fine (if a little weak and floppy - but this seemed only normal due to the fact that I already suspected I had anaemia and was quite tired anyway). 

My mum was in the bathroom with me at the time, so I told her immediately. I can't remember her response because, as quickly as I started feeling sick, I started feeling dizzy. I started to panic (I don't like losing control), but my head was spinning too fast for me to really do anything. My mum told me to sit down on the side of the bath...

...and that's the last thing I really remember. 

The next thing I knew, my mum was saying something about not falling into the bin. I opened my eyes and I was on the floor, my mum trying her best to hold me up and prevent my head from falling into the bathroom bin. I had tried to sit down on the edge of the bath and failed - falling on the floor heavily instead. 

I must have looked like an absolute mess. I was halfway through wiping the black eye makeup from one eyelid, the remainder of it smudged around my face like a panda (not that pandas aren't cool). I had also started to cry - upset and very, very confused. I had never fainted before in my life - apart from that one time in the subway station in New York a year ago. My mum said that I had only been out for a matter of seconds, but I had no way of knowing. 

I don't know how long I was crouched on the bathroom floor with my head between my knees whilst crying for, but I remember feeling incredibly foggy, asking a lot of questions and saying some pretty stupid stuff. I was hitting my arm with my bracelet because it was tingling (and I was pretty out-of-it). 

My favourite comment I made was probably when my mum was talking about how she was anaemic when she was pregnant with me, and she fainted a lot, and I said "I'm not pregnant". Like, of course you're not, you idiot!! I think I meant to say it in an angry way, like "I don't even have an excuse for it, though", but I ended up sounding really stupid instead. 

My mum scheduled a doctor's appointment for the morning and said that she would sleep in my room in case anything else happened (nothing did, thankfully). 

Before I knew it, I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room with my mum and my brother (who was playing on his DS because there was no one to look after him at home and he needs to be using technology at all times!). My appointment ended up being 20 minutes later than scheduled, as I think it was quite a busy time of day for them. I was feeling noticeably better, and didn't feel like I was going to do anything out of the ordinary, though I still wasn't great. 

When my name was called, my brother was trying to show me a Mii he had created on his DS that looked like a fish (which was funny, but not entirely helpful). Once we were in the doctor's office, my mum explained what was wrong ("she's very weak and fainted last night etc."), and then we were asked a few questions concerning things like my diet and sleeping patterns ("she's a vegetarian-" NO I AM NOT, MOTHER "and she keeps falling asleep"). I was too shy to mention that I am a pescatarian, but never mind...

My blood pressure was measured on one of those squeezy-arm things that are incredibly odd, but not massively uncomfortable. We used to have a toy-version in the toy-box when we were children, but I once saw a real one in a biology class when my friend volunteered to test it out. He screamed a lot, but I think he was surprised and wanted to make a big show of it to freak people out. I had to push my hair behind my shoulders so that the doctor could hear my heart with the stethoscope, stick my tongue out to be examined (before looking really silly when the doctor told me to put it back in and I didn't understand what she was saying) and then have her look into my eyes really intensely. 

Afterwards, she suggested a blood test, which, to be honest, I had been expecting in the first place. We decided on a day later this week and she offered a prescription for a numbing gel that I could put on at home before going in, and I accepted. She didn't really mention anything else apart from that "snacking between meals is very important" (which I can definitely deal with!). Before collecting the numbing gel from the pharmacy, my mum bought loads of stuff from the shop next-door that were high in iron (mostly things that consisted of nuts and chocolate, because I don't like nuts on their own). 

Since then, I have been fine. I have been for a walk with my dog without anything weird happening apart from me feeling generally tired out, but I'm not longer sick or dizzy. I have been eating nuts all day *inappropriate snigger* as well as other snack-ish type stuff (I don't know why I am so hungry!). Don't feel like you have to worry about me or anything - I'm sure I will feel a bit better soon :)

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

What I'm listening to right now:
(I SERIOUSLY HAVE LOST THE ABILITY TO EVEN)
(also Michael is bae)
(Lucy out!)
(since when did I say that?)
(shh)

Thursday 6 August 2015

A slip-up (or two)

For any of you who have been watching my YouTube videos, you will realise that, for the past few days, I haven't uploaded VEDA videos - something that I was originally planning to do. 

I wish I did have a massively dramatic excuse as to why I haven't posted (like, I have been out there living my life to the full instead of staying at home and eating doritos), but my life is hardly too exciting! Somehow, I just feel mentally tired and drained. I don't know what it is exactly - the school year is over, so it's not like I have a particular reason for my lack of sleep. Even when I do stay up ridiculously late the night before (like I did at a sleepover two nights ago), I always have the time to sleep in for hours and hours before I have to do something productive. 

From the minute I decided to go for VEDA, I decided that I would not upload any content that I wasn't proud of and didn't really want on my channel. Typically, VEDA videos are uploaded to YouTubers' second/vlogging channels (as the content is not supposed to be at such a high-standard on that channel), but all my videos have been uploaded to my main channel. I do not own a second channel, as I don't feel as if there would be much use in me having one - I don't tend to vlog too often, so it would only really be used for VEDA videos. 

I can't exactly explain it, but I feel as if my brain has turned to mush. If "creative juices" are supposed to "flow" or whatever, there is some kind of drought or water blockage going on in my head. Although I have been writing and planning a bit, I haven't been doing nearly as much as usual, and that freaks me out a bit because I am always writing

When I have days like these (which aren't too common, but do appear occasionally), it isn't just about a lack of creativity. I just don't feel like myself -  it's like I am absent from my brain or something. I don't know whether or not that is because I am so used to writing that when I don't, I am freaked out, or because of something totally different. I usually just wait them out, because it can't last forever, but in a way, I feel worse about it now than I do when it happens in school. I think this is because I feel I have an obligation to make videos, even though that choice is optional and completely up to me. I have felt terrible for the past two days about not uploading, even though I know I shouldn't. It's hardly as if anyone is going to particularly miss my videos!

Hopefully, I will upload tomorrow, as I do have something planned, as long as I no longer feel numb. I'm sorry that this blog post was so weird. I just felt like I had some things to clarify because I feel so lazy, even though I'm trying (I'm promise!). 

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy xx

My latest YouTube video:
(I filmed and edited this before rushing off to a sleepover - it has to be the quickest video ever!)

What I'm currently listening to: 
(AAAH I love it!)

Monday 3 August 2015

VEDA is a thing.

Hey guys :)

In case you haven't already heard of VEDA, it is something that some YouTubers take part in and stands for "Vlog Every Day in August" (though it can also be done in April!). This month, as it is the summer holidays, and I feel like I need to do something productive so that I don't spend my time boredom-eating and sleeping (this would not be unusual for me, to be honest). 

This month I have decided to do VEDA. I know for a fact already that I won't be able to upload every single day, because later this month I will be travelling to France in order to attend a family member's wedding, which is something I am very excited for! However, this means that I won't be able to fully dedicate to VEDA, which is fine, because I never really expected to manage anyway!

Some of the inspirations I had for VEDA were doddleoddle and thisbedottie (two of my favourite channels!). Dodie often does VEDA, and also did VEDIM (Vlog Every Day in May) earlier this year. I have to admit that thisbedottie doesn't do this style of video, but a while ago she went through a stage of making poetry videos every single day, and I loved them! She is also one of the reasons why I started writing poetry (so I suppose you could also say that she was to blame, haha). 

It's going to be a challenge to upload daily (or as close to daily as I can get), but in way, that is one of the reasons why I like it. This is like my little holiday project :)

Here are my VEDA videos so far:

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

What I'm currently listening to: 
(a little weird, I have to admit, but it's cool)

Saturday 25 July 2015

Dragon's Loyalty Award


Thank you so much to Eve (Pen&Key) for nominating me for this! If you haven't seen her blog before, check it out - she's awesome! 

I'm not great with tags and awards, but I'll try my best to follow the rules :)

Rules:
  • Display the award on your blog
  • Announce your win with a post and acknowledge the person who nominated you
  • Present the award to 15 deserving bloggers
  • Post seven interesting facts about yourself
Seven (kind of) interesting facts about me:

1) Two days ago my best friend Ellie came round for a sleepover and we tried to dye our hair... it didn't go very well for either of us! My hair was supposed to turn mint green, but my hair is so many different shades of blonde that it didn't work. It looks almost exactly the same, only there are a few sewage-tones mixed in, weirdly enough. Ellie also tried to bleach her hair, but we ran out of bleach before we managed to get to the back layers of her hair. She then tried to dye it pale blue, but because of the bleach (as well as the fact that it had previously been dyed red), it is now many different shades of blue. Both of our dye will last for 2-10 washes (apart from Ellie's bleach, which is permanent). 

2) Last night I watched a film called "Nowhere Boy" about John Lennon and the formation of The Beatles. I'm not a massive fan of the band of anything (I've not got anything against them either!) - I mainly watched it because Thomas Brodie-Sangster is Paul McCartney... #sorrynotsorry 

Either way, it was really good and included many amazing actors - I would definitely recommend it, even if you are not particularly interested in the musical aspect, because it's really gripping!

3) As I am writing this, I was supposed to be filming a YouTube video, but both my brother and sister invited their friends round and are currently unleashing blood-curdling screams on our trampoline. It is very very annoying, and I am contemplating whether, due to the fact that they are already screaming and howling, anyone would notice if I murdered them... tempting... 

4) Today I was supposed to host a Q&A on my channel, but due to the fact that I want to make another video that I planned quite a while ago and I didn't really get many contributions to the video *cue sad music*, I ditched that idea (I might film it next week instead, I'm not sure). 

5) I really wish I had professional YouTube lighting due to the fact that all of my videos heavily depend on daylight and sitting by my window. 

6) Next month I will be going to France for a few days to attend the wedding of a relative I haven't met since I was a toddler. This also means that I need to go dress and shoe shopping, considering I don't own many formal clothes. 

7) I am trying to make many YouTube videos during the holidays, as Year 11 is officially exam year, and I know that I will be lacking free time! I don't think I'll struggle too much with blogging, because I don't have to worry too much about editing, whereas making videos can take aaaages!


Due to the fact that me and Eve pretty much follow the exact same people, I don't have anyone to nominate for this award, but if you're reading this, feel free to post your own seven facts! I know that's the lazy option, and isn't really how awards are supposed to work, but I really don't know who to nominate!

Speak to you soon,
Lucy x

Monday 20 July 2015

Run Away - A Poem


There are some days when I want to run away. 
Not like they do in movies,
where the rebellious teenager leaves home
to prove a point to their overbearing parents,

But simply to escape life,
to a world without people,
where there is no one to keep track of time
or tell me right from wrong. 

A world where I can take off,
leaving all my worries back down on the ground,
soaring higher and higher until they become
tiny specks in the distance. 
Far beneath me at last. 

I think these thoughts on days when
classrooms are cages and
friendships are flimsy branches
that tremble beneath my toes.

On these days, I would want nothing more
but to feel the wind beneath the wings
that beat in time to my racing heartbeat. 

But even golden moments don't last forever,
and I know that it would be only a matter of time
before gravity caught up with me,
sending me hurting back down to Earth,
the branches of the trees scraping me
as I descend through the canopy,
the land finally crushing my wings.

Which is why I know I need to stay in the nest. 


After the very positive response I received on my last poem video, I thought it might be cool to share another one. Please feel free to tell me what you think in the comments and click "like" on the video if you enjoy it :) Hopefully, I'll be uploading another video fairly soon, too. 

Speak to you soon,
Lucy x

Thursday 16 July 2015

The end of a year.

Tomorrow is the last day of Year 10, which also means that it is the last day of school before we officially start exam year, which feels very weird. For years now, my GCSEs have seemed very distant, and general attitude being "If you got a good grade in your test - great! If not, you still have ages before your actual exams! You'll be fine!!". 

Only now, it is different. Our GCSE exams are suddenly upon us and there is no one there to brush it off and say "You'll be fine, it's not the real thing!". 

I don't know why this comes as much as a surprise to me. Although it often excites me, I've never been great with change, and there is something terrifying about getting a bad grade on a test and someone then speculating what that will mean for my future, even if it may not be the real thing. 

Either way, I technically did start my GCSEs this year in that I took my since exams: biology, physics and chemistry (I meant to write about these but, as you can probably imagine, I didn't have much time on my hands!). Sadly, I'm not too great at science. I don't have a very technical brain - I am more creative. My favourite subjects are English and drama, mainly because I like the way both of these things can spark emotion in people as well as empathise with them. I enjoy creating characters and creating situations just as much as I enjoy playing them and throwing myself into those situations.

Although I do like that I am deeply interested in these things, sometimes I do wish that my talents laid in the technical subjects, such as maths, the sciences and ICT. Quite often I stumble across this post on tumblr that expresses how, when students struggle with creative/arty subjects, they are simply reassured that they just don't have a "creative mind" or whatever, whereas when a student struggles with technical subjects, people assume that they are stupid. As someone who often struggled with technical subjects, that post speaks to me a lot. A few months ago I quit my weekly maths tutoring that had been going on for roughly a year (I think) and it was SUCH A RELIEF. Although the place was alright and the people were friendly, I can definitely think of better things to do on my Friday evenings or Saturday mornings than walking up the road to do simultaneous equations or some stupid crap where I would stare at a jumble of signs and numbers with my brain screaming "WAAAT". Since then, my maths has improved A LOT (considering the fact that when I turned up, I couldn't do basic multiplications that I should have learnt in Year 4, or subtract large amounts without using a number line - basically, there were massive gaps in my knowledge!). 

But when it came to sciences, I was still slightly wobbly. I tend to be alright at biology - in some cases, it can genuinely interest me, especially when we are learning about the brain and how it works (just please don't make me dissect anything because I don't personally agree with it, okay). Chemistry and physics tend to be the dodgy ones. However, when it came to my GCSEs, I had to forget that. In the weeks building up to those exams, I revised like hell. This meant a lot of burying my head in textbooks and moaning to my mum that the information in them were just LOTS OF WORDS IN A RANDOM ORDER. 

Honestly, I'd like to tell you how they went, but I have absolutely no idea. I just remember that I was horribly ill and the time (wow, great time to fail me, Immune System - just in time for my first GCSEs!!) and had to suppress my snuffles throughout each and every exam - I just didn't want to be that one kid who sneezes really loudly right in the middle of the test!

We were all so nervous. I got to the end of every exam and had no idea how I'd done or what kind of grade I might receive in August - I was in shock, especially after my very first one. I remember it was a biology exam and I was scared like hell, but I was told that I looked confident because I did what I do before performing. I put on a smile like I knew something that everyone else didn't/I was about to turn the place to the ground, stood up straight and held my head high. It's amazing how confident it can make me feel, especially when I want nothing more than to escape the situation I'm in. 

At first, I was fine. Among a sea of flustered, panicky people, I held my sandwich bag full of everything I would need (pencils, pens, etc.) and pulled my most dangerous face. Afterwards was different. 

As soon as we left the exam hall and everyone started gushing about the exam, some exclaiming "It was so easy" or "It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be!" and some with a horror-struck look on their face that screamed "OH-SHIT-OH-SHIT-OH-SHIT". 

I was on a completely new level, staring into the distance in a kind of trance. 

This spell broke as we approached our lockers to retrieve our bags and I started messing around with my friends as I had suddenly become really hyper. In the end, things got a bit out of hand and I dropped a very heavy lock on my friend's hand as she was crouched on the floor, which looked very very very painful, and I kind of cracked out of the sudden shock, as my hyper-ness was immediately replaced with the all the fear I had for my future. 

I think it would have been better if I had been certain of my grades, because then I wouldn't have to endure the terror or uncertainty. My friends immediately put me back in place by exploding into the rant of "LUCY WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE SO SMART SHH" that I usually hear whenever I have a freak-out like this. 

Even now, I still don't know how I did. My results come in August, so that shall be interesting. Nevertheless, I know that there's nothing I could possibly do to change them now. 

I think that when people think of your last years of secondary school though, they often forget that exams aren't the only things going on. I have changed and grown so much over the past year, and I just think that there's so much else that you can also focus on. 

For instance, I have had very few panic attacks this year as I have become better at controlling and stopping them when I feel them coming. 

I have become better at telling people how I feel in order to make things right. 

I have formed quite a few new friendships and have strengthened some older ones.

I started my YouTube channel and reached over 100 subscribers. 

My blog reached its one year anniversary(!!!!). 

Yeah - I totally forgot that initially! I realised this just before I started writing this, like "Hey, didn't I start my blog just before the summer holidays last year?" and yeah, it did... three days ago (oops!). It's such a crazy thought. These kinds of things don't really cross my mind. 

Thank you to everyone who reads my blog today, whether you found it yesterday or were one of the very first readers :) Feel free to leave your blog in the comments if you'd like me to check it out!

I'm going to leave you now as I struggle to make last-minute after school plans with my friends :) Happy holidays to all of you!

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

Monday 13 July 2015

Drowning - a poem



In the begininning, I'm floating,
my body resting peacefully on the clear blue water
that stretches out as far as the eye can see.
Blissfully unaware.

I don't see the tidal wave coming.
It has built up over a long time,
constructed of my anxieties and fears and doubts,
I can feel it, even before it reaches me,
though I cannot see it. 

It plagues the sea.
The sky that was once calm and peaceful
is now dark and enraged.
The lightning that slices through the clouds 
reaches out to grab me,
and the water threatens to envelop me 
at any moment. 

And then the wave is upon me,
crashing into me,
knocking me off balance.
Suddenly, I have forgotten what it is to float.

At first, I trash around, 
trying to grip onto something, anything,
in order to feel stable again,
but I feel only the water slipping through my fingertips. 

I am slowly being submerged
by the thing that was once supporting me.
I feel my heart plunge into the depths,
sinking. 

My chin is just above the water now. 
I scream for help, but there is no one to be seen. 

In my mouth, I begin to taste salt. 

Eventually, I stop struggling
and let myself fall. 
Immediately, I feel the water stinging my eyes
and filling my nose.
I can't breathe. 

I hit the bottom,
the impact releasing the last of the air from my lungs. 

At that moment, I see them;
the people on their raft,
the people who could have saved me. 
I hear their muffled, familiar voices,
talking, laughing,
as they glide across the glimmering water,
Blissfully unaware.



I wrote this poem yesterday at one o'clock in the morning, as my mind was refusing to shut up and I felt that the only way I could get past this was through writing (this kind of thing happens regularly!). I think it's reasonably good for something that was written while I was incredibly sleep deprived - my eyes were actually blurring from the tiredness! 

Although I love writing (like, a lot) I don't usually write poetry, and haven't done so in over a year, I think. It's only something I've ever done for school, but apparently I also like doing it at 1am on a Sunday too... 

Please leave a comment on my video or leave a comment below telling me what you think, and click "like" if you enjoy this style of video. This kind of thing is very new for me - as you will have discovered from my last blog post, I write a lot, though I don't often share it - so it would be nice to get some feedback :)

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x


Sunday 5 July 2015

The Wheelbarrow - Descriptive Writing

This post is going to be very different from the content I usually post, as it is a piece of descriptive writing that I started in my last English lesson. Although I do very much enjoy writing, I've never shared a fiction piece on my blog, despite the fact that I have used wattpad many times in the past. I hope you enjoy :)

Sending the wheelbarrow hurtling over the cracked, uneven slabs of pavement, it was like looking at life in slow-motion. Everything seemed so vibrant, so bright, even on that grey winters day in the grimy, concrete street. I watched as Alice threw her back back over the side of the end of the red, rusted wheelbarrow in glee, her crazed laugh bringing an instant smile to my face, as it always did. Her cream bonnet almost flew off in the breeze, and she squealed, clapping her hand over her head, steadying herself by clinging to the edge with the other. Honey blonde curls escaped from her intricate, pin-up hairstyle, bouncing about her freckled face. Her emerald green eyes were gleaming, staring straight at me, making me feel as if everything else in the world was gone until there was only her. Everything about her seemed to glow, leaving me incapable of doing anything but basking in her light. 

I know it's a bit random. We had to look at a drawing called 'Blackstairs' by L.S. Lowrie and write descriptions of the different characters and their backgrounds. This one is of The Wheelbarrow Children - which I decided weren't just children, but lovers (because I literally need to ship everyone I see!). Looking at a higher-resolution version of the piece, I can see now that the people aren't anything like that (I have a feeling they might be a father and son), but it's too late now. I hope you like my writing anyway :)

Let me know if you'd like to see any more of my writing, because I actually tend to write a lot, haha. 

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

My latest YouTube video:

In memory of Hayley the guinea pig
? - 01/07/15