Saturday, 13 February 2016

Don't Deserve You | short story


She stood before them; all the people she'd hurt and all the people she'd lost, all in an orderly line - almost as if she'd planned it. 

She felt them scan her - looking her up and down, some in disgust and some in grief. I did that, she thought to herself. But despite all the guilt that bubbled inside her with self-hatred at all their eyes on her, there was one gaze in particular that destroyed her most. Tore her apart from the inside until she yearned to never feel again. His eyes were full of misery and contempt, but it was more than that. Like before, he stared at her as if he could see inside her brain enough to peer at the jumbled mess of thoughts that not even she understood, capable of picking apart and analysing them. Though it was different this time. His understanding of her brought another emotion to his face: disappointment. 

She couldn't bear it - that look. Like he'd expected more of her. Like she'd failed him... Maybe she had. 

She couldn't think about it now, though. She had to get on with it, before they turned their attention away and excluded her all over again. She cleared her throat, yet her voice still sounded hoarse, as if she hadn't spoken in days.

"I just- I guess- I wanted to say sorry", she stammered, fumbling over her words. "But it's more than that, because I don't expect you to forgive me. I couldn't ask you to forgive me, in your position. I've fucked up, really". She felt all their eyes pressing into her now - exposing her for who she really was - and she hated it. All the same, she carried on before her carefully thought-out words left her. "I guess I just wanted to let you know that I do try to be better. I am a fuck-up, I know, but I tried to be better... for you". She turned around, directing those last two words at him. There was a change in his expression, but she turned away before she managed to distract herself. "I don't think it's an excuse though, really. I- I just-". Before she could stop herself, her voice caught on the end of her sentence, and she felt tears threaten to fall. "I wanted you to know that I love you, all of you. And I'm sorry you had a friend as shitty as me, because you don't deserve it, and... I don't deserve you". 

It was too late. She felt a sob tear through her throat, and she clapped a hand over her mouth. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried in front of another person. Was this what it was like to feel vulnerable?

Feeling completely naked, she turned and ran through the trees, leaping over the roots and nettles, unsure of where she was going and why she was headed there. For a split second, she thought she heard the sound of footsteps pounding behind her, but she refused to stop, charging through the forest as fast as her legs could carry her. Faster and faster.

Away from them. 
Away from him.
Away from herself.


-

Thud.

Suddenly, she felt herself go flying through the air, a tight grip around her waist. She landed hard on her side, though her captor hit the ground first, softening most of the blow. Still, her shin slammed into a tree root, and she momentarily shrieked in pain and shock.

"Sorry, sorry..." he murmured over and over, as he picked himself up off the ground and examined her torn, mud-stained jeans. "You wouldn't stop, you idiot, and I just-". But he didn't get to finish his sentence, because she threw her arms around him, crushing him in the kind of hug where neither of you can breathe, yet neither want to let go. She hadn't noticed, but she was still crying, and now she cried into his shoulder until she could cry no more, arms and legs intertwined. 

"I'm sorry, too". 



This is just a short(ish) story I wrote the other night after an evening of watching Skins (which seems to be happening a lot lately!). I'm sorry I haven't been very productive with my blog and channel recently - I have plans for my content, it's just that I've been quite ill over the last two weeks, so it's been hard to get anything done. I'm just hoping I can get better for my holiday soon (that would be great)!

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

Thursday, 28 January 2016

The Simple Things

This is the YouTube video I will never make. 

When I make videos about serious subjects, I want my audience to be able to take something away from it - a point, a message, a piece of advice they can apply to their own lives, or maybe just something that brightens up their day (hopefully). I don't solely focus on my own problems because I don't think there's much people can actually take away from that - it's not really helpful to anyone and, let's face it, few people would find it very interesting or engaging. 

My YouTube channel is where everything goes public. People I know watch my videos - friends, people from school and, occasionally, family members. Talking about an issue of my own would make me feel completely exposed. Once something is out on my channel publicly, people can take what they want from it - love it or hate it. Although I don't tend to care what people think of me (as caring about such things would limit my life is more ways than I care to think about), there are just some things that you just don't share about your personal life. 

They say that, on your YouTube channel, you share the best part of your personality; the best part of who you are; and for me, that's my strong opinions, my creativity, and my ability to offer people advice and different ways of looking at life. I share my advice because I've gone through something difficult, or have watched a person/people I know go through the same thing, and have come out stronger from the experience, and confident that my view can help others. 

But what happens when it's me who's struggling?

As some of you may have noticed, I've not been great at producing content recently. Actually, it's been completely impossible. Yes, I've not really posted/uploaded anything so far in 2016, but it's more than that. For a very long time, I lost my motivation to write - not just on my blog, but in general - and content making was an extremely slow. And, as I will be attempting to explain through this blog post, it may continue to be on-and-off. 

I have wanted mental health to be a part of my blog from the very beginning. The second blog post I ever wrote was entitled "Dealing with friends and depression", and it was on this blog that I discovered and opened up about my social anxiety. When I started my blog as fourteen-year-old Fetus-Lucy, I had come out of a bad place and situation that had hung over me like a heavy fog for the past three months, and I wanted to open up in the hope that I could somehow help others. 

I want you to know that I'm struggling with my mental health right now. I don't know how else to explain it, because it's not a specific thing that's been getting to me, it's everything at once. The simplest of things have been too much, recently, and there will be days where I can't function as efficiently as I would like. On these days, I would rather focus on my health than my content because that's what's right for me, regardless of how long I have abandoned my blog for or my uploading schedule. I have a piece of paper blue-tacked to the wall next to my bed of Things I Want to Do - not necessarily self-care things, but just things that will motivate me to do something and function as a person for the day.

My favourite thing right now is photography (as you will know if you follow my instagram, as I've spammed people a bit), no matter how ameteur it is. I don't even have to leave the house to find something I like - sometimes it's as simple as finding an angle or perspective I think is interesting. 





One of my favourite things is our kitchen light.
(hey, I know I'm not a professional, but it's something I enjoy)

I'm hoping that it can inspire me to go out and do things, too. Although taking funny-angled pictures of our sort-of chandelier can be cool, I want to be motivated to explore. Lying down on the kitchen table looking slightly insane isn't the same as a good day out. 


It's very easy to take nice photos of our dog, even when his nose is covered in chalk!

I think that's all I have to say on the matter, right now. I'm not really sure where things are going from here, because each day seems to carry a lot of uncertainty. I just really wanted to be honest with you, because I feel like my blog is more about me than any creative projects, messages, deep pieces of advice or How Much I Hate Donald Trump (which is just my channel at the moment). I hope you understand that. 
Lucy x

Saturday, 2 January 2016

New Year's Resolutions: Rewind

This isn't going to be a blog post where I set myself New Year's Resolutions, but instead I would like to look back at the resolution I set myself last year. I feel like, although we are hopeful in January that we will manage to transform our lives for the better throughout the course of the year ahead, we never really stop at any point to see whether we have actually seen our goals through. 

To see this year's resolutions, you can watch my YouTube video here:


Now is the time to put my resolution skills to the test. About this time last year, I wrote a blog post setting myself one goal for 2015to ease myself into situations that I may not feel completely comfortable in. 

Honestly, I feel like I have a long way to go with this one, though I am proud of the progress I have made. One of the main focuses for this one is the fact that I would be attending quite a few concerts in 2015. This time last year, the idea of going to concerts was incredibly daunting. Although I love music as well as music artists (in 2015, I saw Taylor Swift and 5SOS), concerts have not been my kind of scene. They include many people and enclosed spaces - a nerve-wracking combination. 

I did struggle with concerts during 2015, a bit. Towards the end of the year, I attended one concert that was a little too crowded and suffocating, and I ended up being harassed by a drunk man twice my age (it was as fun as it sounds). In the end, I had to leave to narrowly avoid having a panic attack. Despite the humiliation and discomfort of the scary experience, I learned from it. In future, I will know that, if I feel at all uncomfortable or close to a panic attack in another situation like this, to leave instead of hanging round to see if it gets better, as I did at the time. I will know who to trust (and by that I mean a little more than questioning the company of 30ish-year-old men), and who will not be helpful in this scenario. There will be some people who will be conscious of my well-being and there will be some who are caught up in the moment and atmosphere. 

Also, note to self: bouncers are not authority figures, and they will not help if things start to go wrong (unless violence is involved, in which case, it is within their job description).

Although this experience was horrible at the time, I now know what and what not to do to ensure that the same thing does not occur again. The rest of my concert experiences in 2015 have been incredible - Taylor Swift put on an amazing show, as usual (she even brought Cara Delevigne!!!), and my friends and I were so hyped at the end of the 5SOS Birmingham concert that I wasn't sure I would ever get to sleep! I have been given a bit of an education on concerts, an although it was terrifying at times, I enjoyed it overall. Now I can look forward to my 2016 concerts (bring on the Sounds Good Feels Good tour!). 

Other than that, early-2015 me wanted me to speak my mind in 2015, and I can definitely say that I did that! I am now more accustomed to standing up for myself in situations where I feel that someone is wrong and/or offensive. I have developed more mature opinions and become a more open-minded person. Early-2015 me spoke about one incident in which I spoke my mind, and I have not stopped since. Inevitably, a lot of the time it still does make me anxious. I can leave discussions shaking and in need of fresh-air and some space, though I do not regret voicing my thoughts. I'd rather feel anxious about having said the thing than hating myself for not saying it later on.

I hope you achieved your 2015 resolutions and wish you the best of luck for your 2016 ones!
Best wishes,
Lucy x


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Monday, 28 December 2015

No Longer a Grey Sky (soulmate AU)

My blogging friend, Eve (Pen&Key) recently wrote a tumblr-inspired soulmate AU in which the whole world is black and white until you meet your soulmate, and I love these so much that I decided to write my own! It's very long (over 2000 words long, to be specific), so I hope you don't mind that, but I enjoyed writing it ^.^


There was what my sister would describe as a “grey sky” looming over me that morning as I left my apartment. I supposed Lauren would know what that looked like, having met her soulmate at the tender age of seven (!!) - a boy named Alex. Nine years later, and they were still inseparable. Some of us are just lucky, I guess. I wouldn’t know what a grey sky looked like – everything seemed grey to me. Every sky, tree, house, face, dress and street remained the same colour in my eyes, wherever I went.

I was wearing my black skinny jeans paired with my navy blue duffel coat. Lauren was always telling me that I should dress in brighter colours, but I didn’t see the point. It was hardly as if I was going to appreciate them. I was more worried at the idea of my soulmate than the absence of colour in my life, or even the question all the girls my age seemed to be asking: Will I ever find The One? Sometimes I wondered whether I really wanted to meet my soulmate. What if he was a creep, or rude, or an idiot? What if fate messed up and I ended up hating him? I didn’t think I could have coped.

Either way, I knew that some people could go their entire lives without meeting their soulmates – my mum being one of them. Neither mine nor Lauren’s dad had been her soulmate, and although I knew she tried her best to hide her hurt, I could always tell how it really made her feel. I saw the look on her face when Lauren tried to show her a painting she’d made in school and she couldn’t tell whether it was of a blue bird or a robin, and the flash of pain in her eyes every bonfire night as people gazed in awe at the explosions of colour in the sky. The absence of colour served as a constant reminder of her loneliness. As a child, every time I saw that look on her face, I swore to myself that I would never let myself become consumed by the search for my soulmate. Not just because he could have been anywhere in the world, dead, or in the arms of another, but because I did not ever want to end up like my mother, awash with the dim grey of despair that had been her life for forty-eight years.

I had to be the only eighteen-year-old in the country who hadn’t signed up to at least one soulmate meeting agency. There were hundreds out there, advertisements for them bombarding TVs and billboards. Hundreds of thousands of desperate people of all ages, waiting for the flash of colour that awaited them upon first laying eyes on The One. They said that when you met them, it was like two halves of a person coming together to make a whole, like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle connecting. I personally hated the thought. Who did they think they were, telling me that I was just one half of a whole, like I wasn’t a complete human being? If that was what having a soulmate felt like – being half a person – I was perfectly happy the way I was.

I was on my way to the park that day, hoping for some inspiration for my artwork. I’m not going to lie – it’s difficult being an artist when the only colour you know is grey. It was getting increasingly difficult to become an artist at this time, as more and more people began to discover colour - partly due to the modern dating agencies, but I didn’t care. I used coloured pencils in my work, using them according to the colour I thought the thing might be – I knew trees were supposed to be green, as well as grass, and the sun was supposed to be yellow, and my pencils had colour labels on them so that I could tell them apart. Other than that, I experimented. People like me were criticised often by the art community, and it was difficult to become successful.

“How can you use colours in your work when you have such a poor understanding of colour itself?”

“Find your soulmate, and come back again when you can actually see colour”.

Their words rang through my ears. 

As I walked through the park, I passed mothers pushing their children on swings and families having picnics on the grass. One mother had a wide book spread across her lap with her little girl peering over her shoulder.
“And what happened next, Mummy?” she squealed between mouthfuls of jam sandwich.
Turning the page, her mother replied, “The kiss awakening her from her hundred year sleep, she was met with a burst of colour as she laid eyes upon the handsome prince, and she knew that they were meant to be together. And they lived happily ever after!”

I kept walking past the playground to the quiet spot of the park where I usually sat when I needed peace and quiet. Living in an apartment, my neighbours were often too noisy for me to concentrate, and there wasn’t another place like this in the whole city. I sat on the wooden bench, half concealed by the canopy of leaves above my head – convenient for if it started to rain – and began to unpack my notebook and pencils. To my right, I had a view of the stream that ran all the way through the park and to several others across the city, the clear water rolling over the stones and under the bridge. Not many people came here, as there was nothing for the children to play on, but to me, the stream, bridge and still nature made it perfect. I spotted a birds nest perched on a tree branch just above the stream, and began to sketch.

I don’t know how long I had been drawing for when I first heard a splashing sound coming from down the stream, as if something was ploughing through it. It had begun to rain, yet still I remained dry beneath the layer of leaves above my head. The splashing was followed by the sound of barking, and later on by shouts. This was the first time I had ever been disturbed in my spot, and I was surprised someone had stumbled across it, even if it was just a dog.

“Wait!” I heard the voice behind it shout, a man’s voice, but he was too late. Before I was aware of what was happening, a white and grey husky burst through the canopy, its fur weighed down by a mixture of rain and stream water. I couldn’t help but laugh at the sopping wet creature bounding towards me, its now flat tail wagging at a thousand miles a minute.
“Hey!” I exclaimed, holding my hand out to pet the over-excited creature, though it had other ideas. I shrieked as the creature about half my size climbed onto my lap as though it were a puppy, soaking my dry jeans and duffel coat as it licked my face.
“Rose! Where are you, you stupid dog?” he man’s voice shouted, though the “stupid” part sounded more endearing than angry. I saw his Converse pacing around through the leaves of the canopy, a dog lead trailing behind him in the damp grass.
“She’s in here!” I shouted back, laughing.
“Thank you”, I heard him reply as his Converse approached the canopy “I’m sorry for troubling you, she gets like this sometimes…” His voice trailed off as his gaze found mine, and the colours around me came to life.

It’s difficult to describe colours without using the words “red”, “green”, “purple”, etc. It’s like there was a whole world I had been missing. We both stared at each other in awe. His face was pale, but it wasn’t white. There were many different colours mixed in – colours I didn’t have the words to describe yet. It made his cheeks warm despite the freezing weather and rain, and his hair was the colour I imagined the sun to be – burning and glowing. Was this what blond hair looked like? His coat was the same colour as the grass beneath his feet and his trousers were a bright colour, much more vivid than mine… I guessed it right be red. I looked down at my own clothes. So this was what navy blue looked like – dark, as it had been before, but there was more to it than that, other things mixed in.

“Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing this” he muttered, and I choked out shocked laughter.
“No, you’re not”. I looked down at Rose and noticed the colour of her eyes – an icy blue, startling and bright, very unlike the blue of my coat. She grinned at me, tongue hanging out, and it’s like I could hear her speaking to me.

You’re welcome, she said, before jumping off my lap to reunite with her owner. I stood up and walked towards the man, who I now saw was about my age.

When we were face-to-face, I said “Your eyes… they’re green. Dark green, like the leaves”.
“Yours are brown, I think, a bit like the bark of the trees - but they’ve got loads of different colours in them too. It’s not just brown, it’s… I- I don’t think I have the words”, he laughed nervously. With a start, I remembered something, picking up the notebook from the ground, where it landed after Rose knocked it out of my hands. His eyes widened.
“Oh God, I’m really sorry about that. She thinks she’s tiny”.
“It’s fine, it doesn’t matter now”, I said, waving his concerns away. I looked at my picture now and realised how wrong I’d been. “It’s just that – look – I drew the bark the same colour as the leaves. I couldn’t tell the difference”, I said with a laugh.
“Still, you’re really good at drawing!” he told me before reaching down to pick up my box full of pencils, which I had thankfully shut before Rose jumped on me. He opened them and stared for a second, reading the colour annotations.
“…So that’s what orange looks like”, he remarked as if it was the most amazing thing he’d ever seen.
“That's... awesome”. I said, a smile spreading across my face as I looked through the rainbow of colours lying in the box.

As we waited for the rain to stop, we learned a bit about each other. He introduced himself as Aaron and told me that he was in town to visit his brother, who moved here last year, though he brought Rose along too, as everyone he knew was scared to look after her on their own. I laughed at that. I told him my name was Amelia and explained that my sister had found her soulmate at just seven years old, so I felt as if the pressure was on. I even told him about how I felt about how cynical I felt about the idea of The One, and for once, wasn’t looked at like I was crazy. 

When I thought about the idea of two halves coming together to become one person, I did not feel at all like one half of a whole. When he looked at me, I could not have felt any more complete – like I was the most whole person he had ever seen.

For the next hour or so, we wandered the park side by side with the box of pencils, pointing out things like the colours of playing equipment and people’s clothes, matching them to their colours; a man in a bright orange rain coat, a little boy in yellow wellies. We stopped one girl and complimented her on her blue hair, and she was so taken-aback she blurted out “My boyfriend’s hair is green!”


It was dark by the time we had finished wandering the entire park, and I felt like I had seen every colour in the world - though I knew that as long as we were together, there was an infinite amount of them out there, just waiting to be discovered. He had opened my eyes for the first time in my life, and I knew I was never going back to black and white. 


I don't personally agree with the idea of soulmates, fate and the whole "everything happens for a reason" thing, but I find the idea of soulmates entertaining, and I hope you enjoyed this blog post. 

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

Saturday, 26 December 2015

The return of the Christmas face

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas/holiday season (whichever is more important to you!). I got multiple pokemon hats, so I am pretty happy with the gifts I received! If you celebrate Christmas, feel free to tell me your favourite present(s) in the comments ^.^

It seems to have been a thing over the past three years that I take a selfie on Christmas day with what has turned into my Christmas face so, just to continue the tradition...

2013

2014

2015
(present)

I think I've changed quite subtly since last year, but what even am I in the first picture? Also the quality of my selfies seems to be improving.

I've decided to make it my New Year's Resolution to start writing again. Recently, I've been finding it really hard to put sentences together - not just on my blog, but in my spare time too. Until earlier this week, I can't remember the last time I was working on a story (yes, I am now writing a story!). Since a very young age, I have loved writing, and creating my own content and outlets, but I've been so tired recently that it's impossible to find the energy or creative motivation to write anything. I claimed in November that my blog would be resurrected, but that just hasn't been happening. I think it's mostly down to how tired I am. 

For now, at least, I am writing. I don't know whether I will post some of my stories as blog posts in the future (I don't know how much you guys would be interested my stories, for a start), but if I could create content again, that would be cool. As a quite creative person, it is infuriating when my mind turns blank!

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Hello, it's me...

I've tried for so long to create a blog post that summarises the three month break I've taken from blogging, but somehow I can't find the words, so this will have to do. 

Hello, it's me. 


Yes, the gif was necessary. 

One of the main reasons I've felt so determined to write a blog post was because I really don't want to stop blogging altogether. This website was what got me into creating my own content on the internet before my channel or anything else, and I don't want to lose this. As pretentious as it sounds, this blog is a big part of who I am. It's hard to summarise what's been going on since I last blogged, because there is just so much to say. Last week I took my mock GCSE exams. I know that they are mocks, and are not the real thing, but they were so nerve-wracking. It genuinely felt like taking the real thing (and if this is just a small portion of the stress I will receive next year, then I sure am looking forward to that).

The reason why I think they meant so much to me was because they count towards our predicted grades, which our Sixth Form colleges will receive before we take our actual exams. This means that they will be judging us before we even take the exams in the summer, because we not get receive our results immediately following the exams, and the sixth form colleges need something to go on. 

I have not got all of my results back yet as some of my tests are still being marked, though if there's one results that I'm happy with so far is my French reading one, as I received an A*! I've been quite anxious about my French recently as I have felt like I could have been doing better than I have been, so obviously I was thrilled with my mark. Now I need to make sure I focus on my writing assessments, because I have struggled memorising some of those. I think a lot of the pressure I have been feeling could be due to the fact that I have taken French since a young age. You would think this would help, but the fact that I have been learning French for 3-4 years more than everyone else makes me feel like I should always be better, simply because I have that extra experience. At least I now know what I need to focus on to improve!
(Oh God, I sound like a really enthusiastic teacher)

The result that I was definitely dreading the most was definitely my maths result. I have always loathed maths with a fiery passion that resides deep within my soul (it's that bad). What I really hate about maths is that there's no room for opinions or interpretation. Your answer is either right or wrong, which I hate, not only because I find that incredibly boring but also because I am a very opinionated person (I have an opinion on everything!). I know that this is the exact same reason why some people love maths: they'd rather not share their opinion and enjoy the simplicity of the subject.

For some reason though, I was especially nervous about this exam. I had to take two: the non-calculator test and the calculator test. First was the non-calculator test, and I'd been unsatisfied with my results, so I was petrified that I would fail. The calculator test was the last of my exams, so there had been a huge build-up to it. It was like the stress of one exam plus my hatred of maths plus all the stress of the other exams, so needless to say I was glad that I wouldn't have to sit any more after that. 

Long story short, after enduring a rather horrible panic attack before the exam yet still going in to finish it, I ended up passing with a C! I know that for some people a C would be disappointing, but I was so glad I passed as maths is most likely my worst subject (maybe with the exception of PE, but I don't get examined on that), and I thought that was pretty bloody miraculous after having a panic attack beforehand. 

Now that our mock exams our over, the sixth form open days will take place, which I'm excited for. Today I visited the sixth form that I think I am most likely to go to, but obviously I can't be sure yet. Nevertheless, I enjoyed my visit and the atmosphere. I found it weird to see students who weren't in uniform, as I have worn school uniform for as long as I have been in education (though obviously that wasn't the only thing I liked about the place!). 

I think I am going to go now because I am so tired that I feel as if my brain consists of cotton wool, and I have had a long day (I was knocked off my bike this morning on my way to school, but that is a different story). 

Speak to you soon (if I manage to keep this up), 
Lucy xx


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Wednesday, 2 September 2015

Walking out of the 1940s

This blog post is very different from the kind I would usually make (which, funnily enough would be none at all, because I am lazy), as it is kind of fashion-y-ish. My look in this blog post is partly of inspired by Liesel's look in the movie "The Book Thief" - which, by the way, is amazing. I watched it the other night and loved it - I had to try really hard not to cry (if you know me, you will be aware that I cry at quite a lot of movies). I would definitely recommend the movie, and am currently reading the book. 

Liesel has curly that is in different hairstyles throughout the movie as her hair grows to different lengths, and one of my favourite hairstyles of hers is when it is in bunches. 



My hair is naturally wavy and I'm not usually bothered to use heat on it (I can't straighten my hair as it only gets frizzy and annoying, and my hair is quite straight as it is), so it was quite interesting trying to curl it. I do own overnight hair curlers, though I don't tend to use them because I then have trouble sleeping (my hair is very thick and hair curlers are very lumpy!). 



This time I had to experiment a bit when curling my hair by using hair straighteners. I'd heard that you can curl your hair with straighteners before, and I don't own a curling wand, so this was the next best thing. I failed the first time and had to watch more hair tutorials than I care to admit before I succeeded. I tied my hair in bunches beforehand so that I would have less hair to curl, and I think it turned out alright... 

(keep in mind that this picture was taken after a walk in the rain, my hair was considerably more curly before!)

I also have a small obsession with vintage clothes, so I bought this 1940s style dress off amazon for £16 - which I think very good value for money. I will leave the link here



I didn't do my makeup too differently. I wanted the main focus to be the lips, so I went for a bright pink lipstick (I would have gone for red, but I don't personally think I suit it very much). My eyes are a pale gold colour with a brown outline around the lid, which I think is quite subtle. 

(I like this photo because it is unintentionally dramatic)

I don't know whether I'll continue to buy vintage-style clothes (though I will definitely be curling my hair more often), it just seemed like a really fun thing to do. I think it also temporarily raised my confidence a bit, too - my skin is going crazy at the moment and I can't seem to control it, so trying this out made me feel awesome. Not only that, but school starts tomorrow, and I want to be able to look as crazy as I want before I have to revert back to my usual look of school uniform, combined with eye-bags and rain-drenched hair...

It's not all bad, though - I am definitely excited to see my friends, and I am looking forward to a few classes, such as drama and English. I feel like going back to school with restore some order back to my life (e.g. a sleep schedule!). 

Wishing you the best of luck in the next school year,
Lucy x

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