This blog post is very different from the kind I would usually make (which, funnily enough would be none at all, because I am lazy), as it is kind of fashion-y-ish. My look in this blog post is partly of inspired by Liesel's look in the movie "The Book Thief" - which, by the way, is amazing. I watched it the other night and loved it - I had to try really hard not to cry (if you know me, you will be aware that I cry at quite a lot of movies). I would definitely recommend the movie, and am currently reading the book. Liesel has curly that is in different hairstyles throughout the movie as her hair grows to different lengths, and one of my favourite hairstyles of hers is when it is in bunches.
My hair is naturally wavy and I'm not usually bothered to use heat on it (I can't straighten my hair as it only gets frizzy and annoying, and my hair is quite straight as it is), so it was quite interesting trying to curl it. I do own overnight hair curlers, though I don't tend to use them because I then have trouble sleeping (my hair is very thick and hair curlers are very lumpy!).
This time I had to experiment a bit when curling my hair by using hair straighteners. I'd heard that you can curl your hair with straighteners before, and I don't own a curling wand, so this was the next best thing. I failed the first time and had to watch more hair tutorials than I care to admit before I succeeded. I tied my hair in bunches beforehand so that I would have less hair to curl, and I think it turned out alright...
(keep in mind that this picture was taken after a walk in the rain, my hair was considerably more curly before!) I also have a small obsession with vintage clothes, so I bought this 1940s style dress off amazon for £16 - which I think very good value for money. I will leave the link here.
I didn't do my makeup too differently. I wanted the main focus to be the lips, so I went for a bright pink lipstick (I would have gone for red, but I don't personally think I suit it very much). My eyes are a pale gold colour with a brown outline around the lid, which I think is quite subtle.
(I like this photo because it is unintentionally dramatic)
I don't know whether I'll continue to buy vintage-style clothes (though I will definitely be curling my hair more often), it just seemed like a really fun thing to do. I think it also temporarily raised my confidence a bit, too - my skin is going crazy at the moment and I can't seem to control it, so trying this out made me feel awesome. Not only that, but school starts tomorrow, and I want to be able to look as crazy as I want before I have to revert back to my usual look of school uniform, combined with eye-bags and rain-drenched hair...
It's not all bad, though - I am definitely excited to see my friends, and I am looking forward to a few classes, such as drama and English. I feel like going back to school with restore some order back to my life (e.g. a sleep schedule!).
Wishing you the best of luck in the next school year,
I'm really sorry to say that I won't be uploading a VEDA video today (I promise I have something in store for tomorrow!). This is due to the fact that my anaemia seems to have worsened since my last video, in which I discussed being a pescatarian and how it has started to affect me. You can watch it here, if you like (although it's not necessary for you to understand this blog post):
Brief summary of the video:
I am pescatarian (the only meat I eat is fish) and have been for eight months
Unfortunately, I have started feeling weak and floppy, and have started sleeping a very unusual amount.
I think this is due to anaemia (an iron deficiency), due to the fact that there is not enough iron in my blood now that I eat minimal meat.
Although this is unfortunate, I do not regret becoming a pescatarian.
I am now taking iron supplements and watching my iron-intake.
After uploading this video, I had a pretty average day. I had already swam earlier on in the day, so I had used up a lot of energy, and throughout the day I made sure to eat a few things that were rich in iron (including apricots, apparently). I stayed up until 11:45 watching a TV show on Netflix with my parents, and then got ready for bed.
It was when I was taking off my makeup in the bathroom mirror that I began to feel sick (and not the fever kind). It came on with no warning whatsoever, which was very startling, because only a few seconds before, I had been feeling fine (if a little weak and floppy - but this seemed only normal due to the fact that I already suspected I had anaemia and was quite tired anyway).
My mum was in the bathroom with me at the time, so I told her immediately. I can't remember her response because, as quickly as I started feeling sick, I started feeling dizzy. I started to panic (I don't like losing control), but my head was spinning too fast for me to really do anything. My mum told me to sit down on the side of the bath...
...and that's the last thing I really remember.
The next thing I knew, my mum was saying something about not falling into the bin. I opened my eyes and I was on the floor, my mum trying her best to hold me up and prevent my head from falling into the bathroom bin. I had tried to sit down on the edge of the bath and failed - falling on the floor heavily instead.
I must have looked like an absolute mess. I was halfway through wiping the black eye makeup from one eyelid, the remainder of it smudged around my face like a panda (not that pandas aren't cool). I had also started to cry - upset and very, very confused. I had never fainted before in my life - apart from that one time in the subway station in New York a year ago. My mum said that I had only been out for a matter of seconds, but I had no way of knowing.
I don't know how long I was crouched on the bathroom floor with my head between my knees whilst crying for, but I remember feeling incredibly foggy, asking a lot of questions and saying some pretty stupid stuff. I was hitting my arm with my bracelet because it was tingling (and I was pretty out-of-it).
My favourite comment I made was probably when my mum was talking about how she was anaemic when she was pregnant with me, and she fainted a lot, and I said "I'm not pregnant". Like, of course you're not, you idiot!! I think I meant to say it in an angry way, like "I don't even have an excuse for it, though", but I ended up sounding really stupid instead.
My mum scheduled a doctor's appointment for the morning and said that she would sleep in my room in case anything else happened (nothing did, thankfully).
Before I knew it, I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room with my mum and my brother (who was playing on his DS because there was no one to look after him at home and he needs to be using technology at all times!). My appointment ended up being 20 minutes later than scheduled, as I think it was quite a busy time of day for them. I was feeling noticeably better, and didn't feel like I was going to do anything out of the ordinary, though I still wasn't great.
When my name was called, my brother was trying to show me a Mii he had created on his DS that looked like a fish (which was funny, but not entirely helpful). Once we were in the doctor's office, my mum explained what was wrong ("she's very weak and fainted last night etc."), and then we were asked a few questions concerning things like my diet and sleeping patterns ("she's a vegetarian-" NO I AM NOT, MOTHER "and she keeps falling asleep"). I was too shy to mention that I am a pescatarian, but never mind...
My blood pressure was measured on one of those squeezy-arm things that are incredibly odd, but not massively uncomfortable. We used to have a toy-version in the toy-box when we were children, but I once saw a real one in a biology class when my friend volunteered to test it out. He screamed a lot, but I think he was surprised and wanted to make a big show of it to freak people out. I had to push my hair behind my shoulders so that the doctor could hear my heart with the stethoscope, stick my tongue out to be examined (before looking really silly when the doctor told me to put it back in and I didn't understand what she was saying) and then have her look into my eyes really intensely.
Afterwards, she suggested a blood test, which, to be honest, I had been expecting in the first place. We decided on a day later this week and she offered a prescription for a numbing gel that I could put on at home before going in, and I accepted. She didn't really mention anything else apart from that "snacking between meals is very important" (which I can definitely deal with!). Before collecting the numbing gel from the pharmacy, my mum bought loads of stuff from the shop next-door that were high in iron (mostly things that consisted of nuts and chocolate, because I don't like nuts on their own).
Since then, I have been fine. I have been for a walk with my dog without anything weird happening apart from me feeling generally tired out, but I'm not longer sick or dizzy. I have been eating nuts all day *inappropriate snigger* as well as other snack-ish type stuff (I don't know why I am so hungry!). Don't feel like you have to worry about me or anything - I'm sure I will feel a bit better soon :)
For any of you who have been watching my YouTube videos, you will realise that, for the past few days, I haven't uploaded VEDA videos - something that I was originally planning to do. I wish I did have a massively dramatic excuse as to why I haven't posted (like, I have been out there living my life to the full instead of staying at home and eating doritos), but my life is hardly too exciting! Somehow, I just feel mentally tired and drained. I don't know what it is exactly - the school year is over, so it's not like I have a particular reason for my lack of sleep. Even when I do stay up ridiculously late the night before (like I did at a sleepover two nights ago), I always have the time to sleep in for hours and hours before I have to do something productive. From the minute I decided to go for VEDA, I decided that I would not upload any content that I wasn't proud of and didn't really want on my channel. Typically, VEDA videos are uploaded to YouTubers' second/vlogging channels (as the content is not supposed to be at such a high-standard on that channel), but all my videos have been uploaded to my main channel. I do not own a second channel, as I don't feel as if there would be much use in me having one - I don't tend to vlog too often, so it would only really be used for VEDA videos. I can't exactly explain it, but I feel as if my brain has turned to mush. If "creative juices" are supposed to "flow" or whatever, there is some kind of drought or water blockage going on in my head. Although I have been writing and planning a bit, I haven't been doing nearly as much as usual, and that freaks me out a bit because I am always writing. When I have days like these (which aren't too common, but do appear occasionally), it isn't just about a lack of creativity. I just don't feel like myself - it's like I am absent from my brain or something. I don't know whether or not that is because I am so used to writing that when I don't, I am freaked out, or because of something totally different. I usually just wait them out, because it can't last forever, but in a way, I feel worse about it now than I do when it happens in school. I think this is because I feel I have an obligation to make videos, even though that choice is optional and completely up to me. I have felt terrible for the past two days about not uploading, even though I know I shouldn't. It's hardly as if anyone is going to particularly miss my videos! Hopefully, I will upload tomorrow, as I do have something planned, as long as I no longer feel numb. I'm sorry that this blog post was so weird. I just felt like I had some things to clarify because I feel so lazy, even though I'm trying (I'm promise!). Speak to you soon, Lucy xx
My latest YouTube video:
(I filmed and edited this before rushing off to a sleepover - it has to be the quickest video ever!)
In case you haven't already heard of VEDA, it is something that some YouTubers take part in and stands for "Vlog Every Day in August" (though it can also be done in April!). This month, as it is the summer holidays, and I feel like I need to do something productive so that I don't spend my time boredom-eating and sleeping (this would not be unusual for me, to be honest).
This month I have decided to do VEDA. I know for a fact already that I won't be able to upload every single day, because later this month I will be travelling to France in order to attend a family member's wedding, which is something I am very excited for! However, this means that I won't be able to fully dedicate to VEDA, which is fine, because I never really expected to manage anyway!
Some of the inspirations I had for VEDA were doddleoddle and thisbedottie (two of my favourite channels!). Dodie often does VEDA, and also did VEDIM (Vlog Every Day in May) earlier this year. I have to admit that thisbedottie doesn't do this style of video, but a while ago she went through a stage of making poetry videos every single day, and I loved them! She is also one of the reasons why I started writing poetry (so I suppose you could also say that she was to blame, haha).
It's going to be a challenge to upload daily (or as close to daily as I can get), but in way, that is one of the reasons why I like it. This is like my little holiday project :)
Thank you so much to Eve (Pen&Key) for nominating me for this! If you haven't seen her blog before, check it out - she's awesome!
I'm not great with tags and awards, but I'll try my best to follow the rules :)
Rules:
Display the award on your blog
Announce your win with a post and acknowledge the person who nominated you
Present the award to 15 deserving bloggers
Post seven interesting facts about yourself
Seven (kind of) interesting facts about me:
1) Two days ago my best friend Ellie came round for a sleepover and we tried to dye our hair... it didn't go very well for either of us! My hair was supposed to turn mint green, but my hair is so many different shades of blonde that it didn't work. It looks almost exactly the same, only there are a few sewage-tones mixed in, weirdly enough. Ellie also tried to bleach her hair, but we ran out of bleach before we managed to get to the back layers of her hair. She then tried to dye it pale blue, but because of the bleach (as well as the fact that it had previously been dyed red), it is now many different shades of blue. Both of our dye will last for 2-10 washes (apart from Ellie's bleach, which is permanent).
2) Last night I watched a film called "Nowhere Boy" about John Lennon and the formation of The Beatles. I'm not a massive fan of the band of anything (I've not got anything against them either!) - I mainly watched it because Thomas Brodie-Sangster is Paul McCartney... #sorrynotsorry
Either way, it was really good and included many amazing actors - I would definitely recommend it, even if you are not particularly interested in the musical aspect, because it's really gripping!
3) As I am writing this, I was supposed to be filming a YouTube video, but both my brother and sister invited their friends round and are currently unleashing blood-curdling screams on our trampoline. It is very very annoying, and I am contemplating whether, due to the fact that they are already screaming and howling, anyone would notice if I murdered them... tempting...
4) Today I was supposed to host a Q&A on my channel, but due to the fact that I want to make another video that I planned quite a while ago and I didn't really get many contributions to the video *cue sad music*, I ditched that idea (I might film it next week instead, I'm not sure).
5) I really wish I had professional YouTube lighting due to the fact that all of my videos heavily depend on daylight and sitting by my window.
6) Next month I will be going to France for a few days to attend the wedding of a relative I haven't met since I was a toddler. This also means that I need to go dress and shoe shopping, considering I don't own many formal clothes.
7) I am trying to make many YouTube videos during the holidays, as Year 11 is officially exam year, and I know that I will be lacking free time! I don't think I'll struggle too much with blogging, because I don't have to worry too much about editing, whereas making videos can take aaaages!
Due to the fact that me and Eve pretty much follow the exact same people, I don't have anyone to nominate for this award, but if you're reading this, feel free to post your own seven facts! I know that's the lazy option, and isn't really how awards are supposed to work, but I really don't know who to nominate!
There are some days when I want to run away. Not like they do in movies, where the rebellious teenager leaves home to prove a point to their overbearing parents, But simply to escape life, to a world without people, where there is no one to keep track of time or tell me right from wrong. A world where I can take off, leaving all my worries back down on the ground, soaring higher and higher until they become tiny specks in the distance. Far beneath me at last. I think these thoughts on days when classrooms are cages and friendships are flimsy branches that tremble beneath my toes. On these days, I would want nothing more but to feel the wind beneath the wings that beat in time to my racing heartbeat. But even golden moments don't last forever, and I know that it would be only a matter of time before gravity caught up with me, sending me hurting back down to Earth, the branches of the trees scraping me as I descend through the canopy, the land finally crushing my wings. Which is why I know I need to stay in the nest. After the very positive response I received on my last poem video, I thought it might be cool to share another one. Please feel free to tell me what you think in the comments and click "like" on the video if you enjoy it :) Hopefully, I'll be uploading another video fairly soon, too. Speak to you soon, Lucy x
Tomorrow is the last day of Year 10, which also means that it is the last day of school before we officially start exam year, which feels very weird. For years now, my GCSEs have seemed very distant, and general attitude being "If you got a good grade in your test - great! If not, you still have ages before your actual exams! You'll be fine!!". Only now, it is different. Our GCSE exams are suddenly upon us and there is no one there to brush it off and say "You'll be fine, it's not the real thing!". I don't know why this comes as much as a surprise to me. Although it often excites me, I've never been great with change, and there is something terrifying about getting a bad grade on a test and someone then speculating what that will mean for my future, even if it may not be the real thing. Either way, I technically did start my GCSEs this year in that I took my since exams: biology, physics and chemistry (I meant to write about these but, as you can probably imagine, I didn't have much time on my hands!). Sadly, I'm not too great at science. I don't have a very technical brain - I am more creative. My favourite subjects are English and drama, mainly because I like the way both of these things can spark emotion in people as well as empathise with them. I enjoy creating characters and creating situations just as much as I enjoy playing them and throwing myself into those situations. Although I do like that I am deeply interested in these things, sometimes I do wish that my talents laid in the technical subjects, such as maths, the sciences and ICT. Quite often I stumble across this post on tumblr that expresses how, when students struggle with creative/arty subjects, they are simply reassured that they just don't have a "creative mind" or whatever, whereas when a student struggles with technical subjects, people assume that they are stupid. As someone who often struggled with technical subjects, that post speaks to me a lot. A few months ago I quit my weekly maths tutoring that had been going on for roughly a year (I think) and it was SUCH A RELIEF. Although the place was alright and the people were friendly, I can definitely think of better things to do on my Friday evenings or Saturday mornings than walking up the road to do simultaneous equations or some stupid crap where I would stare at a jumble of signs and numbers with my brain screaming "WAAAT". Since then, my maths has improved A LOT (considering the fact that when I turned up, I couldn't do basic multiplications that I should have learnt in Year 4, or subtract large amounts without using a number line - basically, there were massive gaps in my knowledge!). But when it came to sciences, I was still slightly wobbly. I tend to be alright at biology - in some cases, it can genuinely interest me, especially when we are learning about the brain and how it works (just please don't make me dissect anything because I don't personally agree with it, okay). Chemistry and physics tend to be the dodgy ones. However, when it came to my GCSEs, I had to forget that. In the weeks building up to those exams, I revised like hell. This meant a lot of burying my head in textbooks and moaning to my mum that the information in them were just LOTS OF WORDS IN A RANDOM ORDER. Honestly, I'd like to tell you how they went, but I have absolutely no idea. I just remember that I was horribly ill and the time (wow, great time to fail me, Immune System - just in time for my first GCSEs!!) and had to suppress my snuffles throughout each and every exam - I just didn't want to be that one kid who sneezes really loudly right in the middle of the test! We were all so nervous. I got to the end of every exam and had no idea how I'd done or what kind of grade I might receive in August - I was in shock, especially after my very first one. I remember it was a biology exam and I was scared like hell, but I was told that I looked confident because I did what I do before performing. I put on a smile like I knew something that everyone else didn't/I was about to turn the place to the ground, stood up straight and held my head high. It's amazing how confident it can make me feel, especially when I want nothing more than to escape the situation I'm in. At first, I was fine. Among a sea of flustered, panicky people, I held my sandwich bag full of everything I would need (pencils, pens, etc.) and pulled my most dangerous face. Afterwards was different. As soon as we left the exam hall and everyone started gushing about the exam, some exclaiming "It was so easy" or "It wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be!" and some with a horror-struck look on their face that screamed "OH-SHIT-OH-SHIT-OH-SHIT". I was on a completely new level, staring into the distance in a kind of trance. This spell broke as we approached our lockers to retrieve our bags and I started messing around with my friends as I had suddenly become really hyper. In the end, things got a bit out of hand and I dropped a very heavy lock on my friend's hand as she was crouched on the floor, which looked very very very painful, and I kind of cracked out of the sudden shock, as my hyper-ness was immediately replaced with the all the fear I had for my future. I think it would have been better if I had been certain of my grades, because then I wouldn't have to endure the terror or uncertainty. My friends immediately put me back in place by exploding into the rant of "LUCY WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE SO SMART SHH" that I usually hear whenever I have a freak-out like this. Even now, I still don't know how I did. My results come in August, so that shall be interesting. Nevertheless, I know that there's nothing I could possibly do to change them now. I think that when people think of your last years of secondary school though, they often forget that exams aren't the only things going on. I have changed and grown so much over the past year, and I just think that there's so much else that you can also focus on. For instance, I have had very few panic attacks this year as I have become better at controlling and stopping them when I feel them coming. I have become better at telling people how I feel in order to make things right. I have formed quite a few new friendships and have strengthened some older ones. I started my YouTube channel and reached over 100 subscribers. My blog reached its one year anniversary(!!!!). Yeah - I totally forgot that initially! I realised this just before I started writing this, like "Hey, didn't I start my blog just before the summer holidays last year?" and yeah, it did... three days ago (oops!). It's such a crazy thought. These kinds of things don't really cross my mind. Thank you to everyone who reads my blog today, whether you found it yesterday or were one of the very first readers :) Feel free to leave your blog in the comments if you'd like me to check it out! I'm going to leave you now as I struggle to make last-minute after school plans with my friends :) Happy holidays to all of you! Speak to you soon, Lucy x
