Putting YouTube on hold, #DontPanicButton and... um... stuff!

Today has kind of been an uneventful day, but I think I have enough to talk about (because I just generally have a lot to talk about anyway). 

I have decided to put YouTube on hold because (as I stated in my last blog entry) I am finding it really hard and it is stressing me out a bit. The feeling of sitting there in front of a camera seems really unnatural and daunting to me, like when I have to do public speaking or something. I have shot videos before, but I rarely feel like this. I am hoping that this feeling will fade sooner or later, hopefully when I feel I have enough time for such a time-consuming hobby in my life. 
Until then, I am going to carry on with blogging as I have really grown to love it over the past few months and it is something that I feel comes naturally to me :)

Another thing that has caught my attention over the last few days is Zoella (a blogger/YouTuber) and her #DontPanicButton campaign (part of her role as an ambassador of Mind, a mental health charity). The aim is that as many people as possible wear a red button on them in some form (e.g. a badge or bracelet) to show support for those who suffer from anxiety and/or panic attacks.

 

In case you have not been reading my blog recently, I have talked a bit about suffering from social anxiety, although I have not yet mentioned that I also suffer occasionally suffer from panic attacks too (it is something that I do not particularly want to describe in depth). I am planning to take part in the #DontPanicButton campaign, but I sadly cannot get hold of any red buttons at the moment (doh!). I'll make a post out of it when I can find some! :)
I have always admired Zoe's ease when it comes to talking about anxiety and panic attacks both on her blog and in her videos, as it takes bravery to discuss in depth your own mental health disorder - mainly because it is quite a personal (and therefore scary) thing to talk about and also because it is so taboo. This is partly due to the fact that others can be quite disrespectful towards those who are open about mental health disorders - some people even see it as attention seeking!!

Due to this, Zoe tweeted (about some comments on a few of her vlogs):
Doesn’t make me want to share it. Saying that my anxiety is an excuse to be lazy? Urgh. I’d had this for TEN YEARS! Over and out.

and

Comments like those are the exact reason i’m choosing to work with a mental health charity. Ignorance is very ugly.

I definitely think we need more people like Zoella to help people set the record straight when it comes to what these mental health disorders really are. Once society does begin to understand them in more depth, hopefully anxiety and panic attacks (as well as many other mental health disorders) will no longer be taboo. 

In other news, today I managed to hoover up a certain family member's underwear (by accident). I experience of having to admit this to my family member was quite surreal, and I was laughing quite hysterically (even if that family member wasn't)... This is why I should never be given the opportunity to live alone. Ever. I worry for my future-self sometimes!
After watching The Maze Runner with my friend yesterday, I have started reading the first book, and it is quite cool so far :) I may or may not update you on that when I am further on in the story.

Speak to you later,
Lucy x

The Maze Runner (and sucking at YouTube)

Today I went to see The Maze Runner with my friend (partly because it is recommended for Hunger Games fans and partly because it just generally looks awesome) and can I just say that it is amazing. 

I loved it so much! The cast was magnificent, and Dylan O'Brien was an excellent choice for Thomas! As soon as the film started and he came on screen panicking, I was super impressed. I turned to my friend and said "That is good acting!" - he was so believable! 
My friend also enjoyed Thomas Sangster's performance as Newt (we did, however, call him "Nanny McPhee kid" at the time, as we didn't remember his name)... 

The only thing I am disappointed about is the fact that I prefer to read the book before I watch the movie, which I could not do in The Maze Runner's case as I didn't have time. I am reading it now though, and I am enjoying it so far :) I would definitely recommend it for any action adventure fans who aren't scared of a bit of gore (yes, that does include Hunger Games fans!). 
I would just like to point out that yes, it does bare some resemblance to The Hunger Games and Divergent, though no two stories are exactly the same, so that does not mean that there are no unexpected twists and turns in the storyline or that there are no original, exciting or intriguing characters! 

Although I felt extremely sorry for all the characters in the story, I did feel particularly sympathetic for Teresa, due to the lack of leading females in the story. I think I would be quite intimidated in her position!

Another thing I have been trying to do today is filming my first YouTube video, but it is so difficult. I know exactly what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it, but then I turn the camera on and I just freeze on the spot and I literally cannot speak. 
When I communicate with people about how shy I am and how I am never like this while performing on stage, they always say "Just pretend you're acting as yourself".
...but I just CAN'T. No matter how hard I try, I feel terrified and stupid. I might try again tomorrow, but I'm not sure yet. 

So that is my weekend so far. I know it's not much, but there it is...

Speak to you later,
Lucy x

The Joy of Illness.... PART 2

Yeah... I'm still ill (dammit). I've been trying to do a few things for my blog and YouTube. I still need to figure out whether or not I'm gonna go ahead with the whole YouTube thing, but I can't really experiment with it yet because I sound (and feel) like I've swallowed a toad and I am just generally gross. 
I am, however, wearing make-up today, so I might take a picture for my channel and blog header later. 

I don't care whether I sound nerdy or not (I am quite nerdy anyway) - I really want to be in school today. Wednesday is my favourite day of the week, and I am missing quite a few subjects that I enjoy and will need to catch up on later. I also take pride in my attendance record, and I got 100% last year - it was literally the only thing that got me into the end-of-year award ceremonies... that was quite depressing! Oh well, at least if I get nominated for an award this year then I know I will have done something good other than stayed healthy.
Also, I really want to see my friends! It is highly likely that when I return to school I will have no idea what anyone is talking about.

Like yesterday, I will probably just spend my day being an internet hobo. This basically means that I will be sorting out my blog and my YouTube while having Zoella, Sprinkleofglitter, danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil marathons... 
My life is so exciting. 

What do you guys do to entertain yourselves when you are ill? I seriously need the help. Yesterday I tried going on our trampoline to cheer me up (and finally get some fresh air), which resulted in a SPLITTING HEADACHE. I need ideas!

Speak to you soon,
Lucy x

The Joy of Illness

The title will explain for you why it is that I am writing a blog post for you guys at 10:13am on a Tuesday - I am sick. 
I'm not really LITERALLY sick (thankfully!), though I am super snuffly, my throat hurts and I am just generally vile. 

I don't really understand why people are expected to ENJOY sick-days. It's not like when you are sick you go on wonderful adventures and meet amazing new friends with whom you have life changing experiences. 
In reality, you just sit at the computer for a while until you do a bit of homework and then maybe doze off in tracksuit bottoms and a hoodie (all this and you are not able to breathe out of your nose!). 

Maybe later I will do some stuff for my blog and possibly my YouTube. Earlier I set up my twitter, so you can now follow me at @openletters instead of following my personal twitter (which is where I post fandom stuff - and I understand that not all of you will just want to read my tweets about just how excited I am for 1989!!). 

So that's the latest in the roller-coaster that is my life right now... I think I'm going to take a nap now. 

(sorry, I know I am probably overreacting right now but I feel rubbish)

Best wishes (please give me your sympathy), 
Lucy x

Picture Day

Hey :)

Today was going to be the day that I tried making a YouTube channel (something that is very difficult when you can't really speak to cameras), but I have this awful cold that causes me to constantly snuffle and speak like a concussed frog, so I will leave that for another day. 

Another downside to my cold today was that it was picture day at school - the first picture day we have had since Year 7 - three years ago! Because we don't really change much over the course of secondary school and we only really use the pictures for the register and our library cards, we don't have our pictures taken very often. 
While this saves us the stress of having to look presentable once every year just for our pictures, it is quite unfortunate if the end result of picture day is embarrassing, as you are stuck with your picture for quite a while. Many of my friends have complained over the years about the way their 11-year-old selves look in the pictures, although I am probably one of the only people to have not complained as my picture is not that bad. Although I have a teeny tiny face in my picture, it is one of the only pictures I have of myself that 
1) Still kind of looks like me.
2) Shows my teeth without all the metal that covers them now. 

I would have happily kept that picture until I left school, to be honest. However, as I sat down in form this morning (snuffling), one of my friends launched into a conversation about how nervous she was for picture day (due to the horrific pictures she had ended up with in the past), and I had a mini-heart attack. 
It was picture day!!!
I automatically started to rant about how my hair looked like a mess (it had rained on the way to school and I had my hair down the entire time - oops!). My friend offered to do my hair at break (*breaths sigh of relief*), so I did survive. I don't usually like people who rant about their hair as it doesn't really matter much in my opinion, but my worry was due to the fact that in Year 7 girls with long hair had their hair greased back by the the camera woman (!!!) if they could not keep it out of their faces, and my friend's lovely ginger hair had turned out pretty awful. 

Luckily, in the end, my hair did not have to be greased back, and I think I looked alright (if you don't count the fact that my nose probably made me look like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer under the lighting). The camera woman told me to look happier after the first take, but I didn't really understand how I could possibly do that without raising my eyebrows so that I looked really stupid or showing my brace face, which would have undoubtedly blinded the camera woman. 

So yeah. That was my experience today. Hopefully I will get better soon so that I can try making my first YouTube videos (not that I can guarantee anything even then) and stop sounding like a concussed frog. 

Best wishes, 
Lucy x

(P.S: No, you are not looking at the wrong blog - I changed the name!)

Changes in my blog!

Hey guys :)

For quite a while now I have been thinking about some things I would like to change about my blog, namely:

• It's name
• It's template
• Whether or not I should have a YouTube channel linked to it. 

Let's start with my blog name... 

Although WhatTheFudge is a cool name, I feel like I should have a blog that is more useful in ways of representing my blog and it's content. 

The thing is, I have a few suggestions for what I could re-name my blog, but I need your help to decide. I couldn't possibly use my own name just in case someone from school found it or whatever, so I've narrowed it down to just a few made up names. Please tell me which of these names you prefer, or suggest your own ideas down in the comments:

AutumnLeaves

TheColoursInAutumn

OpenLetters

AutumnLeaves and TheColoursInAutumn are kind of random, although I think they are both gorgeous. 

However, I also love the name OpenLetters, because isn't that just what a blog is? A letter written to the bunch of people inhabiting your own little corner of the internet? It isn't directed to just one person, yet it can often feel as if that one letter was written for that one individual all the same. 

I also brainstormed a few names that referred to my personality, including my shyness. However, I think there is so much more to me than just that, and I realised I have NO IDEA how to describe myself. 

This is the exact same problem I had when trying to create a name for my blog in the first place, which is why I chose "WhatTheFudge" in the end. 

And as for my template... I like the colours, but I am just a bit bored of it. I don't know how I'd find a better template without having to spend an annoying amount of money on it. It would have to be satisfying and free. I'm sure this is just me being picky and silly, but it is annoying me. 

Last but not least, I have been considering YouTube again. 

I know I am probably just going to go through the cycle of setting everything up, trying to talk to a camera, stammering awkwardly and getting annoyed again. I have been through all this before and it stressed me out, which was why I started this blog in the first place. I was really surprised that I stammered while talking to a camera, as I have never stammered before in my life and I don't really get stage fright. I only really feel the pressure when I have to make speeches or talk to new people and my social anxiety kicks in. 

However, I want to give it another try. I don't really know why, I just do. I love the idea of being a YouTuber and giving these open letters a voice at last. Now I have a blog, I kind of feel like I am more prepared.

For instance, if I made a YouTube channel, I would like it to be a lot like my blog in that:

1) It would be a place for myself, strangers of the internet (internet friends) and a small group of friends I decided to share  it with (no one from school would stumble across it).

2) It would be a place for me to share my thoughts and opinions.

3) It would be a fun thing to do on the sidelines of my life (just a kind of hobby).

4) I would discuss the things in life that interested and directly affected me (e.g. teenage years, social anxiety and stuff). 

5) I would help people with my words. 

6) I would meet lovely new people through it. 

7) I would document small parts of my life that I wanted to remember forever. 

8) It would just be a free place for me to rant until I felt slightly better about whatever I was ranting about. 

9) It would just be my little corner of the internet. 

10) I wouldn't have to feel scared of people any more. 

Please tell me what you think of all these things in the comments so that these decisions become a bit easier. I would love to see your opinions :)

Speak to you later,

Lucy x

Just thoughts...

Heeeeey! :D

I thought I'd just make a blog post (because I can) and just talk about life. I've never really know what type of blog I have, since I kind of have a mishmash of quite a few things - from reviews to favourites of the month to mental disorders and stuff. I've kind of decided to refer to my blog as a "thoughts" blog, as all I ever seem to write down are my little daydreams and opinions (on just about everything!). 
That's all I'm really going to do in this blog post, because I can't really think of anything else, and this is my blog and I am free to write whatever I like (err - to an extent!). 

I have had a good week (with the extent of a few typical teenage dramas... but that's only natural, right?). Sometimes I wonder if I wrote down certain conversations I've had with my friends, went back in time and then showed these conversations to my 10 year old self, what I would think of them. What I really mean by this: some of the things I have gone through and have helped other people through - is it really normal to have gone through them at 14? I feel like some of the issues we (my friends an I) have faced are probably more common in 17-year-olds. There have been a lot of things going in recently that I cannot speak of for privacy reasons, but I feel as if these things should not be concerning us at this age. 

Oh well, we're dealing with them okay, I guess. Today a few of my friends and I went to the park after school and rolled around in leaves (not a good look when you have extremely long hair - I've got some super sexy shots of my friends saved on my phone). We kind of did an ironic photo-shoot by taking loads of pictures with one of us taking pictures on their phone and the others chucking crackling brown leaves over the person's hair. I will not include pictures as I don't feel my friends would appreciate that too much... 

My second favourite part of the day was when I got home and just pigged out on chocolate (Turkish Delight chocolate forever!) and read my new Shout magazine. Shout is probably my favourite magazine at the moment due to the YouTuber articles that I love so much. My favourites have to be the Zoe (Zoella) and Louise (Sprinkleofglitter) articles. I especially liked the interview they did a few months ago in which they gave advice to the readers, as they had really great responses and discussed how to deal with haters in a very mature manner. I also found the danisnotonfire poster they had in a previous issue very amusing, and it takes up around 20% of my bedroom wall.... Seriously, the size is scary.
Anyywaayyy... I would definitely recommend you buy the October issue if you are dying to read Zoe's new book "Girl Online", as it includes a HUGE extract from that! The article has just made me EVEN MORE EXCITED (if that is even possible!!). 

*removes one exclamation mark from sentence so I don't sound insane*

I like how it includes a great deal of how the main character is dealing with the effects of anxiety, due to the fact that (as I have mentioned before) I struggle with social anxiety myself, and it is just really nice to be able to relate to other people with the same problem.

*cue typical talent show sob story music*

*sniffs and wipes tear away with the back of my hand*

...Seriously though, I am so thankful to have someone to look up to who suffers just as I do (as well as someone who reminds me that I am not just crazy,or rude, as I am called sometimes after trying to escape social situations that scare the hell out of me). 

Not only this, but just in case I didn't love the story enough already (without even having read the book yet), I also love the fact that the story is told in the form of blog posts. I think it's a really sweet and inventive style for the story to be told in. Also, the blog is anonymous, so there isn't any holding back Penny's (the main character's) thoughts and opinions.

I am also really looking forward to next week as we have a day off on Thursday, and a couple of my friends and I have arranged to go to the Harry Potter Studios - YAY!! This is my second time, and I am really looking forward to it as I loved it the last time. I have never read the Harry Potter books, although I have watched all the movies (which is a crime, as I am so often reminded by my friends). To celebrate though, I have decided to start reading them - partly because I have kind of always wanted to (although I feel I have missed the Harry Potter generation) and partly to shut my friends up... I am partway through the first book at the moment and it is pretty cool, although I feel like I would have to be a child growing up with the trilogy to fully appreciate it. 

Sooo yeah. That's an insight to my day and a brief summary of my week. How was yours? Comment below :)

Lucy x