Post-show crash

This time last week, I had just finished performing in my stage school's second and final performance of Grease. I had been ensemble that day, as we were double-cast, and I had played Rizzo the night before. I remember being ecstatic on both of the performance days, whilst still feeling as if the performances were surreal. We had been working on the show since September last year, and for it to be over and done with so quickly made me feel as if there had been so little closure. I felt as if there should have been a wind-down from it, so that we could gradually be reintroduced to the new world, but instead it felt as if I had been dropped suddenly. 

In the few weeks leading up to the performance, the rehearsal schedule had been intense - my friend discovered that, in the week of the performance, we would be there for a total of 36 hours(!!), or something insane like that. The weird thing was: I didn't care. I loved performing Grease, and I never got particularly tired of it - despite the few times backstage where I thought I might fall asleep (I didn't, luckily, though others weren't as fortunate). I didn't even mind too much that I was rehearsing all weekend most weeks, and the people there we so so lovely. Looking back, it's incredible that I ended up feeling that way, considering the fact that I very almost quit my group right before they announced the roles. Social anxiety was getting the better of me, and I felt completely isolated in the rehearsals. I knew the people around me were nice, yet I couldn't manage to speak to them, or if I did, then all conversation (rather ironically) felt very rehearsed in my head. It was never a matter of disliking the people around me - I knew they were lovely - the problem was me. 

You'd think it odd that I recognised this, yet still felt the way I did. I knew it was in my head, and that people probably didn't hate me at all, but the knowledge didn't help me. That was the thing. It was all in my head. 

Slowly, though, I began to cope with it. For many rehearsals, I tried my hardest to cling to the one friend I had made which, in hindsight, she probably found irritating! But after more weeks of rehearsal, and more scenes with more people around me, I got better at it. I was able to approach more people as I began working with them, and it felt more natural and less rehearsed. When I opened my mouth, I didn't feel as if I was scripting what I was saying - I just said what I was thinking. I began to realise that the people around me sensed this, and acted more naturally around me too. 

I honestly think my character helped me too. For those of you who haven't seen Grease, Rizzo is, confidence-wise, the polar opposite of me. She is impulsive and abrasive, covering all vulnerability as best she can in order to seem tough. She's not scared of people, whether she is flirting with boys or telling another girl what she thinks of her. Obviously, she forced me out of my comfort zone in just the way I needed. I didn't have time to let my own awkwardness force me away from a situation, I just went for it. Most of all, I loved her humour and sarcasm - in fact, those were probably the two things we had in common, and I found her the most fun of all the characters. I got to be aggressive and flirtatious and sassy and vulnerable. I don't know which I found more fun, though my highlight of the show was definitely singing There Are Worse Things I Could Do. 

Unlike in the movie, in the stage play, Rizzo sings the song to Sandy as a way of explaining herself. Sandy has finally found Rizzo's vulnerable side - something no one has ever done before - and Rizzo is angry. Quickly though, this anger turns into upset, as she finds herself exposed, and runs offstage at the end of the number before Sandy can see her cry ("But to cry in front of you... That's the worst thing I could do"). It's Rizzo's vulnerable side that made her the most fascinating and emotional of all the characters, as she proves that there are many layers to a person. I will miss all of Grease, even the parts that terrified me at first, but I love that song especially. I will miss that song. 

There are millions of other things I will miss, but I think that's why I feel as if I have been dropped since I stopped my constant cycle of rehearsing and performing. To be honest, I think that if I had been rehearsing for many more weekends I might have been driven insane, but I right now I miss it dearly! I've sort of crashed - I'm not sure what to do with myself, and it's been difficult adjusting to the real world again. Mock exams and revision and the normal school atmosphere just feel weird now, like I should be somewhere else. In a way, I think that working on Grease gave me a taster of what life will be like when I leave school - I was surrounded by people who were passionate about the same things as me, and I was treated as an equal by everyone. Many of the people there are older than me, as the group is for 15-18 year-olds, so it probably didn't feel as odd for them to return to the real world, but I think I'm in shock!

Today, I've tried to relax. Yesterday I was busy, and I haven't had much of a break this week in general as I am preparing for drama performances, so today I was simply wandering around the house in pyjamas. Straight after the show ended, I got a nasty cold and sore throat, so I'm trying to go get rid of that, too. I'm trying to be thankful for the convenient timing - as I no longer have to sing - but I'm not particularly amused all the same. 

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

Christmas jumpers and The Maze Runner

Hey guys :)

So Christmas is in 2 weeks (WHAT??!) and I'm trying to get into the festive mood (although I am not sure it is socially acceptable for me to hand out Christmas cards yet!!). 
Unfortunately, anyone who knows me will understand how bad I am with Christmas presents - I hardly ever know what to get my family, and I usually just get my friends chocolate. This year is no different, despite the fact that one of my friends told me not to buy her chocolate this year, due to the fact that I bombarded her with Hersheys on her birthday (she loved it really). I'm also quite bad at shopping, as I get sidetracked incredibly easily (this doesn't just go for shopping, but for just about any situation in which I can lose focus!).

However, one achievement I have made recently is that I have bought my VERY FIRST CHRISTMAS JUMPER

*gasp*

Seriously. I have gone 14 years (nearly 15) without ever getting a Christmas jumper, even though I absolutely love both festivity and jumpers... One of the main reasons the idea really came to mind this year is because on Friday, our school have a Christmas jumper day to raise money for charity and I kind of wanted to dress for the occasion. 

Another thing that I've been thinking about recently is The Maze Runner series, which is a really cool apocalyptic style book, which (inevitably) has The Hunger Games mentioned on the cover, because all adventure fiction/apocalyptic style books have that on the cover these days. I can't really complain though - I always end up falling in love with the books anyway!

I saw the film adaptation a while back in the cinema (twice) and I remember it being awesome, though I have to say, the book is so much better! It's not that the movie is bad or anything (it also had Thomas Sangster in it, which is always a good thing!), I just feel like the ending is rushed and so much is left unexplained about the entire plot - the book really answered some questions for me. 

My favourite characters so far are probably Teresa, Thomas and Newt - Teresa for her guts and wits, Thomas for his bravery and impulsiveness, Newt for the sass. Newt always seems to have the answer to every stupid question asked by the other characters, is gloriously sarcastic and often seems to be the only one who's able to think straight. 

I also think that Teresa gets a chance to develop as a character throughout the first book in a way that she doesn't in the film, which is sad, but I suppose the movie did have to be cut to a certain length.

I completely love James Dashner's style of writing - the language is sophisticated, yet casual enough for the teenagers to seem believable.

I am currently starting The Scorch Trials; book 2 in the series, so I'll let you know how I get on with that. 

Also, braces update: I think I might be getting mine off soon(ish). I am not sure how far away "soon" is, because no one ever seems to be able to guarantee anything when it comes to my braces, but I hope to have them off before my birthday (I don't know, I just think that would be cool). I am kinda tired of not being able to smile in photos now! :/

What do you guys usually go for when it comes to Christmas presents? Is there any alternative to chocolate? (is there ever?!)

Speak to you soon, 

Lucy x

Why am I laughing?!

Heeey :3 
In today's blog post I wanted to talk about a bad habit that I have and think I have always had: laughing in awkward situations. 

This tends to annoy quite a few people as no one else tends to laugh at the time. Here is a recent example of this when I COULD HAVE DIED...

(okay, maybe that's a slight over-exaggeration. Either way, here's the story:)

Earlier on this week I went to a drive-through zoo type thingy with my friend (for those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, we were basically driving through animal enclosures). 
We had only been in the zoo for around 10 minutes and had already passed the rhinos and some animals that looked like deer when we entered the bear enclosure.

 

You may or may not see where this story is going at the moment. 
We had just come into what appeared to be the centre of the bear enclosure when the car shuddered to a halt, just ONE METRE AWAY FROM A SLEEPING BEAR!! 
My mum's car broke down just a few weeks ago, so I knew what was going on. 
Oh-my-gosh-oh-my-gosh-oh-my-gosh-oh-my-gosh, I kept thinking, though I was maintaining a straight face as my friend is pretty scared of bears and I didn't want to make her more panicky than she already was. If I was freaking out on the inside, what must have been through her head at that moment?
We established that we had broken down and my friend was in a bad state. I'm not really sure what was going through my head... I just know that I was laughing. 
"Oh my gosh haHAHAH this is a terrible place to break down! Why couldn't we have broken down somewhere else... HAHAHAHA"

I DON'T KNOW WHY I REACTED LIKE THAT. It wasn't funny! 
(Well, it sounds slightly more funny now I look back on the situation... but that's not the point!) 
I just really didn't want to have abandon the car and be left in the middle of the enclosure.
In the end, almost miraculously, the car started again (YAY!!!). We then continued to make our way through the rest of the animal enclosures, clinging to the hope that we would not make an unexpected stop in the tiger, lion or rhino enclosures (I wouldn't have minded the giraffes!). 

Cue sexy giraffe shots:

Sorry, I got a bit distracted there - where was I..?
Oh yeah, I was still confused about the way I'd reacted.

I do this all the time, mostly in awkward silences when people are particularly angry, upset or moody (or all three).
For instance; recently I was at the park with my friend when she randomly fell off the swing and went flying. She fell quite badly (though she was alright in the end).
I suppose she expected me to be sympathetic, and I did try to be, though it didn't really have the desired effect as I was talking to her through giggles - needless to say, my reaction was unsatisfactory. 

In other words, although I am not the friend that will film you falling down the stairs, I will laugh an annoying amount before I help you up (even if I don't find it funny!). I think my friends have got used to my habit now, luckily.

Does anyone else have this problem? Or maybe you have another annoying habit that gets on yours and/or other people's nerves? Tell me down in the comments :)

The rest of the day was pretty awesome. I discovered that I was destined to become a sea lion and that they are my soul-animals (I LOVE THEM SO MUCH). The penguins were also quite cool. 

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy x

I couldn't think of anywhere to put this but it looks pretty cool

SASSY TIGER

(#sweg)