Watercolour Boy | a poem

Everywhere you go, you leave the world awash with colour, 

Fairy-pink blossoms and velvet leaves on trees,

Warm amber streetlights that hum in teal night skies

as pavements glisten like silver. 

Your paintbrush delves into seas 

and turns their waters into ripples of

clear blues and perfect waves.

You see the world better than anyone, 

yet the world does not see you. 

You think that no one knows you exist. 

You think that one day, your paint will run dry, 

and there'll be no one there to notice that

no one paints the sky soft pinks and oranges 

in the morning, so that

the sun makes it come to life,

Or that birds' feathers no longer reflect

a kaleidoscope of royal blues and emerald greens

as the morning light hits them. 

But I will notice, Watercolour Boy, 

for you showed me your watercolour skies when

all I saw was black and white. 

♥

Two blog posts in two days, it's a miracle! I don't think I've been this active on my blog since 2014, to be honest. Either way, I'm going on holiday tomorrow, so I won't have anything for you in a while, but I will try to get some holiday footage, and I hope you enjoy this poem. The idea came to me when I was half asleep on the sofa, so at first it was quite nonsensical (as most of my original ideas are). I wasn't thinking about making it a poem exactly, I just thought that the words sounded really nice together. Watercolour Boy. 

Speak to you after my holiday, 

Lucy x

A slip-up (or two)

For any of you who have been watching my YouTube videos, you will realise that, for the past few days, I haven't uploaded VEDA videos - something that I was originally planning to do. 

I wish I did have a massively dramatic excuse as to why I haven't posted (like, I have been out there living my life to the full instead of staying at home and eating doritos), but my life is hardly too exciting! Somehow, I just feel mentally tired and drained. I don't know what it is exactly - the school year is over, so it's not like I have a particular reason for my lack of sleep. Even when I do stay up ridiculously late the night before (like I did at a sleepover two nights ago), I always have the time to sleep in for hours and hours before I have to do something productive. 

From the minute I decided to go for VEDA, I decided that I would not upload any content that I wasn't proud of and didn't really want on my channel. Typically, VEDA videos are uploaded to YouTubers' second/vlogging channels (as the content is not supposed to be at such a high-standard on that channel), but all my videos have been uploaded to my main channel. I do not own a second channel, as I don't feel as if there would be much use in me having one - I don't tend to vlog too often, so it would only really be used for VEDA videos. 

I can't exactly explain it, but I feel as if my brain has turned to mush. If "creative juices" are supposed to "flow" or whatever, there is some kind of drought or water blockage going on in my head. Although I have been writing and planning a bit, I haven't been doing nearly as much as usual, and that freaks me out a bit because I am always writing. 

When I have days like these (which aren't too common, but do appear occasionally), it isn't just about a lack of creativity. I just don't feel like myself -  it's like I am absent from my brain or something. I don't know whether or not that is because I am so used to writing that when I don't, I am freaked out, or because of something totally different. I usually just wait them out, because it can't last forever, but in a way, I feel worse about it now than I do when it happens in school. I think this is because I feel I have an obligation to make videos, even though that choice is optional and completely up to me. I have felt terrible for the past two days about not uploading, even though I know I shouldn't. It's hardly as if anyone is going to particularly miss my videos!

Hopefully, I will upload tomorrow, as I do have something planned, as long as I no longer feel numb. I'm sorry that this blog post was so weird. I just felt like I had some things to clarify because I feel so lazy, even though I'm trying (I'm promise!). 

Speak to you soon, 
Lucy xx

My latest YouTube video:

(I filmed and edited this before rushing off to a sleepover - it has to be the quickest video ever!)

What I'm currently listening to: 

(AAAH I love it!)

VEDA is a thing.

Hey guys :)

In case you haven't already heard of VEDA, it is something that some YouTubers take part in and stands for "Vlog Every Day in August" (though it can also be done in April!). This month, as it is the summer holidays, and I feel like I need to do something productive so that I don't spend my time boredom-eating and sleeping (this would not be unusual for me, to be honest). 

This month I have decided to do VEDA. I know for a fact already that I won't be able to upload every single day, because later this month I will be travelling to France in order to attend a family member's wedding, which is something I am very excited for! However, this means that I won't be able to fully dedicate to VEDA, which is fine, because I never really expected to manage anyway!

Some of the inspirations I had for VEDA were doddleoddle and thisbedottie (two of my favourite channels!). Dodie often does VEDA, and also did VEDIM (Vlog Every Day in May) earlier this year. I have to admit that thisbedottie doesn't do this style of video, but a while ago she went through a stage of making poetry videos every single day, and I loved them! She is also one of the reasons why I started writing poetry (so I suppose you could also say that she was to blame, haha). 

It's going to be a challenge to upload daily (or as close to daily as I can get), but in way, that is one of the reasons why I like it. This is like my little holiday project :)

Here are my VEDA videos so far:

Speak to you soon, 

Lucy x

What I'm currently listening to: 

(a little weird, I have to admit, but it's cool)

I Can't Even Technology (and other holiday stuff)

Here in England, is the one week holidays, which is amazing after having to push through all three science exams during the last two weeks of term, but there are going so fast! I hope that you are having a nice time, regardless of whether or not you are on holiday right now or not :)

One thing I have been telling myself throughout these holidays is: This is it. After all the revision and the stress and the exams, this is your chance to finally make all the YouTube videos you've been planning. This is yet another reason why I have been looking forward to the holidays so much - I love making YouTube videos and recently I have been given next to no time to do that, and that has upset me. I just really feel like I should do something for me, and not because the education system tells me I have to do it. 

There was one video that I was particularly looking forward to making: my braces video. I got my braces off around four weeks ago now and have been desperate to talk about my two-year experience with braces ever since, but revision just kept getting in the way. I was trying to balance revision, other homework, and socialising (because without free time with friends I think I would have gone actually insane!), and YouTube just didn't fit in. 

I finally filmed my braces video two days ago, which made me very happy as I have missed making videos so much recently, and felt like I had a lot to say. To be honest, I wasn't really sure exactly how the video was going to turn out on the whole, but I was quite proud of it at the same time!

Aaaand then came the editing. What a lot of people don't understand when they think of how much effort YouTubers put into their videos is just how much time is spent editing after the camera stops running. If I want to upload a video on the same day as filming it, I have to dedicate an entire day to that specific video and focus on barely anything else. In my videos, I use Windows Movie Maker - it's definitely not the greatest software ever, but it is free, I can just about get my head around it, and it hadn't ever failed me... yet.

I had just finished editing my video, and was happy with the results. It tried saving it to my computer, which is never usually problematic, and it didn't look like it was going to be. It was saving at the same rate as usual, until....
98%

BAM.
An error message appeared on the screen and all of my progress disappeared, turning each section of the video into tiny yellow triangles with exclamation marks inside. 
Okaaay, that's weird. I've uploaded videos much longer than this before..., I thought, googling the error message, but nothing useful came up. People were experiencing the same problem, but no one had a solution. I tried and tried to save the video, but the same error message kept appearing. I asked my dad for help, because he is good with computers and basically all of the stuff that I am bad at, but he just kinda came to the conclusion that my software sucks and I wouldn't be able to upload my video unless I got some new software. 

The problem is that all other software (and I mean the good software, not the kind of software that is free, glitchy and leaves a watermark on your video - trust me, I have used many types of software in the past!) is really bloody expensive. Like, seriously, I discovered that the software that we use in media studies at school is actually hundreds of pounds. The problem is that I do not have any money, because the kind of people who buy this software have money and jobs of their own. I, however, am an unemployed 15-year-old schoolgirl, therefore I do not own any money of my own. 

For now, I don't know what I'm really going to do about the whole I-can't-edit-any-YouTube-videos-from-now-on-thing. My dad has suggested another piece of editing software, but it would require a lot of time and effort to get onto my laptop, so I'm not sure just yet. 

So I guess this blog post is my way of apologising for my serious lack of YouTube videos. I don't like to feel like I don't put a lot of effort into my YouTube videos, because I do - I put a hell of a lot of time and effort in, and I really enjoy it! It's just that sometimes I struggle. 

Other than this, I have really enjoyed the holidays, however short they may be. I haven't had a chance to see many of my friends yet, because quite a few of them have been on holiday, but we have arranged a massive sleepover on Saturday due to a deal we made at my old primary school's summer fete - two of my friends entered the movie-themed collection box about a bazillion times, and we decided that if they won, then we would have a proper movie night ...and they did! It was literally the most amazing moment as our old head teacher called out my friend's name and we all screamed simultaneously, my friend practically skipped as he went to pick up his winnings! We were most definitely the most excited people there - even more excited than any of the children who won anything. 
That was a good day :) I'm really looking forward to seeing them. 

I feel like this break has been great for my health too. As I would, I was ill during the last two weeks of term - the weeks in which we had exams. It was literally the most inconvenient thing ever, I felt like hell. Do you know what it's like to sniffle in an exam hall filled with the majority of your year group and half of the year above and have the sound echo? I do. 

Two of my friends also had the same illness, and we couldn't afford to take time off school. On the Saturday after school ended, my friends tried to arrange a trip to go swimming, but me and another friend pulled out because:
1) Hanging out in town and buying weirdly flavoured drinks while ill is a lot better than swimming while ill
2) We didn't have to worry about diseasing each other because we were both equally as gross!

Hmm... what else have I done in the holidays? Let's see... 
1) I've stayed up until 3am (not because I think it's cool or anything - because I have trouble getting to sleep!)
2) I've slept in until midday (see number 1)
3) I've eaten tons and tons of junk food (examples include rocky road and oreos)
4) I've started writing a story about dragons (don't ask unless you want me to start screaming in capslock about dragons - you have been warned!)

Honestly, I think that's just about it. Tell me what the past week has been like for you down in the comments :)
Speak to you soon, 
Lucy xx

Drama Project - Too Much Punch For Judy

Before I rush off to my friend's house for a sleepover, I thought I would upload an unlisted video to my YouTube channel to give you a sneak peek of what I've been up to at school. 

Basically, we have been doing this play called "Too Much Punch For Judy" about this woman who kills her sister in a car crash due to drink driving (as you can tell, it's pretty serious stuff). We were allowed to interpret this play any way we wanted and present whichever parts of it we wanted in our performance. 

Because this play is set in the 80s, I thought it would be interesting to modernise the play so that the audience would have a stronger connection with the characters, as I wanted them to be pulled into Judy's world, although originally the play was meant to alienate the audience. I suppose I just wanted a bit of a challenge. 

One way I was set on doing this was using YouTube videos. People at my school don't know about my YouTube channel unless they're my close friends, so originally the video diary was on a separate channel that was reserved just for the video diary. However, seeing as I thought it might be interesting for you to see this (and I haven't been able to film any YouTube videos in a while!) I decided to post this on my regular channel. 

The video is unlisted because it is not something I would usually post, so you will only be able to see the video if you have the link.

The first thing that you will probably spot if you watch my YouTube videos is that I have a new camera (WHOOP WHOOP!). I got it for my birthday, although I haven't been able to show you it yet as I have been busy, which sucks. Though now you have an idea of what future YouTube videos are going to look like :)

I have to admit that it's really not the best acting ever. Obviously it is hardly believable as Judy is a grown woman with a proper job and a kid, and I am a 15 year old schoolgirl, but I tried my best. 

You will find that there is a weird little cut in the middle of the video were I have cut out where I say my location, as I really don't want anyone on the internet to figure out where I live.

I have really got to get a move on now because I am writing this while I am halfway through packing to go to my friends house. I am looking forward to writing more blog posts and making more YouTube videos during the Easter holidays, as I have a few ideas that have been waiting in my notepad for me to bring to life. 

I hope you have had a wonderful start to your holiday,
Lucy x

A little YouTube Update!

Hey guys :)

Those of you who have been reading my blog recently will have heard about the fact that I have started my own YouTube channel, which so far I have been finding really fun :D

( if you have missed those updates and all that stuff, click here to see my YouTube channel :3 )

I'm not really sure what I think of my channel so far - I'm still just experimenting. My favourite video to film so far was definitely my Whisper Challenge with my best friend Katie, yet I'm not sure I would say that it is my favourite on my channel so far. 

I don't know, I'm still figuring things out! :P

One thing I have been trying to do is making my videos look a bit more professional. This has been an interesting task, seeing as my camera does not seem to focus or respond well to the lighting in my bedroom, but I'm working on it! This evening I have been putting together some thumbnails together for my videos - my previous pictures were just some derps of me that YouTube suggested for me. 

The great news about the quality of my videos camera-wise is that for my 15th birthday (WHICH IS NEXT MONTH!!), I will be getting a new, professional camera of my own to film with, as well as a tripod!!!!!

As you have probably guessed by now, I am SO EXCITED. 

I've never been great with technology or anything (as my I.T teacher will tell you) but I still can't wait to test everything out - you guys will actually be able to see my face instead of the blurry mess you might have seen in some previous videos.

Another thing I wanted to mention was that recently I have been wanting to write some more advice posts (my latest one has been my New Year's Resolutions post), but I have also made my first advice video. Click here to see that video! :)

What I love about YouTube and blogging is that they both give you the opportunity to reach out to people, and, potentially, offer them some advice to help them face whatever problem they're going through. Even before I started blogging, I always loved that about the internet, which is really the main reason I started my blog in the first place! :)

So yeah, I just thought I would give you a little update on all that stuff. I will leave you with some videos of mine below to check out :3

Thanks for all the love and support so far,

Lucy xxx 

New Year's Resolutions

Happy New Year!!

Pinch, punch, first day of the month! 
(does anyone else do that?)

Woah, where the hell did 2015 come from? I certainly did not see it coming! I seriously cannot believe how close my 15th birthday is, it seems like I was 13 just yesterday. So much has changed in the past few years, it's crazy. This time last year I don't think I could have really anticipated my life being the way it is now. I am hardly different from my 13-year-old self, but at the same time I have changed somehow. 

Change seems to be a theme today, doesn't it? New Year's Day is always the perfect excuse for people to try to transform their lives (and then realising in March that they have completely failed to improve their lifestyle in any way!). Last year I remember my New Year's Resolution was to drink less Diet Coke (I was obviously aiming very high in my goals) and I managed that(not that it was at all difficult). 

This blog post, however, is not about giving up chocolate (as if!) or working out every day (like I have time for that kind of commitment), but about rethinking my decisions. Recently I have not been happy with my confidence, and how my social anxiety has been affecting my decisions. Earlier this year I was meaning to start a YouTube channel, but as soon as I turned on my camera, I froze and couldn't bring myself to say a word. It was horrible. 

So one of my goals for 2015 is to ease myself into situations I may not be completely comfortable with. That does not mean throwing myself into every opportunity that comes my way, I do need to know when to say when. I have also been kind of short of time recently, so even if I was that crazy, it would leave me with no time for schoolwork or anything. 

One thing that I would like to be able to do without freaking out is going to concerts. I am going to two different concerts this year, and I know for a fact that one of them is really crowded without any seats, and just loads and loads of people standing up. I'm not going to specify what concert or where the concert will be held due to privacy reasons, but when I imagine it in my head, I can just see myself stuck in the middle of this crowd, being pushed and shoved in a massive mob.
However, the concert is for an artist who I deeply adore, and even though the idea of being in this crowd scares me an unfathomable amount, I am extremely excited for going to the concert with one of my best friends! Before I thought the whole thing over, I really didn't think I would be comfortable and wasn't sure I wanted to put myself into a position that made me feel that vulnerable, but now I am sure that I will not regret this concert once I am there, and I will make the most of the day :)

One thing that has convinced me to have this as my New Year's Resolution is that recently there was an incident at my school (without naming any names) where someone was treated disrespectfully due to their panic disorder, and for once in my life, I stood up for that person (that person wasn't me, in case you were worrying, it was a friend of mine!).
I told the disrespectful person exactly what he/she needed to hear without losing the high ground/going into full-scale bitching (because bitching really isn't my style!), and although the whole experience took me out of my comfort zone and made me feel really exposed for actually opening my mouth to speak my mind for once in my life, it felt seriously amazing! It gave me a feeling of strength that I feel like I might have lost quite a while ago, and I am so glad I did it. I did feel panicky afterwards and had to have a sit down for a minute, but I think I did a great thing and my friend said I was really scary (I think that was a good thing!). 
Although I am hardly looking for any conflict or aggressive confrontation, I would definitely say what I said again, and I will definitely make sure to speak my mind in the future :)

I suppose this post is the return of my meaningful advice posts, so if you have the same kind of problem as I do, I recommend you to have a New Year's Resolution that is similar to mine - remember to try new things. You may find public situations and confrontations terrifying, but sometimes it is good to go out of your comfort zone. 
I hope you find this goal empowering, and if you are like me and choose this resolution, I hope it makes a positive impact on your life :)

What is your New Year's Resolution? Is it something like this, or are you just hoping to work off all the chocolate you ate over the holidays (I should really do that too, haha). 

Best wishes for the new year,
Lucy x

If you are not feeling empowered enough, here is "Something Big" by Shawn Mendes (it is one of my favourite songs right now!) :)

The Maze Runner (and sucking at YouTube)

Today I went to see The Maze Runner with my friend (partly because it is recommended for Hunger Games fans and partly because it just generally looks awesome) and can I just say that it is amazing. 

I loved it so much! The cast was magnificent, and Dylan O'Brien was an excellent choice for Thomas! As soon as the film started and he came on screen panicking, I was super impressed. I turned to my friend and said "That is good acting!" - he was so believable! 
My friend also enjoyed Thomas Sangster's performance as Newt (we did, however, call him "Nanny McPhee kid" at the time, as we didn't remember his name)... 

The only thing I am disappointed about is the fact that I prefer to read the book before I watch the movie, which I could not do in The Maze Runner's case as I didn't have time. I am reading it now though, and I am enjoying it so far :) I would definitely recommend it for any action adventure fans who aren't scared of a bit of gore (yes, that does include Hunger Games fans!). 
I would just like to point out that yes, it does bare some resemblance to The Hunger Games and Divergent, though no two stories are exactly the same, so that does not mean that there are no unexpected twists and turns in the storyline or that there are no original, exciting or intriguing characters! 

Although I felt extremely sorry for all the characters in the story, I did feel particularly sympathetic for Teresa, due to the lack of leading females in the story. I think I would be quite intimidated in her position!

Another thing I have been trying to do today is filming my first YouTube video, but it is so difficult. I know exactly what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it, but then I turn the camera on and I just freeze on the spot and I literally cannot speak. 
When I communicate with people about how shy I am and how I am never like this while performing on stage, they always say "Just pretend you're acting as yourself".
...but I just CAN'T. No matter how hard I try, I feel terrified and stupid. I might try again tomorrow, but I'm not sure yet. 

So that is my weekend so far. I know it's not much, but there it is...

Speak to you later,
Lucy x

The Joy of Illness.... PART 2

Yeah... I'm still ill (dammit). I've been trying to do a few things for my blog and YouTube. I still need to figure out whether or not I'm gonna go ahead with the whole YouTube thing, but I can't really experiment with it yet because I sound (and feel) like I've swallowed a toad and I am just generally gross. 
I am, however, wearing make-up today, so I might take a picture for my channel and blog header later. 

I don't care whether I sound nerdy or not (I am quite nerdy anyway) - I really want to be in school today. Wednesday is my favourite day of the week, and I am missing quite a few subjects that I enjoy and will need to catch up on later. I also take pride in my attendance record, and I got 100% last year - it was literally the only thing that got me into the end-of-year award ceremonies... that was quite depressing! Oh well, at least if I get nominated for an award this year then I know I will have done something good other than stayed healthy.
Also, I really want to see my friends! It is highly likely that when I return to school I will have no idea what anyone is talking about.

Like yesterday, I will probably just spend my day being an internet hobo. This basically means that I will be sorting out my blog and my YouTube while having Zoella, Sprinkleofglitter, danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil marathons... 
My life is so exciting. 

What do you guys do to entertain yourselves when you are ill? I seriously need the help. Yesterday I tried going on our trampoline to cheer me up (and finally get some fresh air), which resulted in a SPLITTING HEADACHE. I need ideas!

Speak to you soon,
Lucy x

Picture Day

Hey :)

Today was going to be the day that I tried making a YouTube channel (something that is very difficult when you can't really speak to cameras), but I have this awful cold that causes me to constantly snuffle and speak like a concussed frog, so I will leave that for another day. 

Another downside to my cold today was that it was picture day at school - the first picture day we have had since Year 7 - three years ago! Because we don't really change much over the course of secondary school and we only really use the pictures for the register and our library cards, we don't have our pictures taken very often. 
While this saves us the stress of having to look presentable once every year just for our pictures, it is quite unfortunate if the end result of picture day is embarrassing, as you are stuck with your picture for quite a while. Many of my friends have complained over the years about the way their 11-year-old selves look in the pictures, although I am probably one of the only people to have not complained as my picture is not that bad. Although I have a teeny tiny face in my picture, it is one of the only pictures I have of myself that 
1) Still kind of looks like me.
2) Shows my teeth without all the metal that covers them now. 

I would have happily kept that picture until I left school, to be honest. However, as I sat down in form this morning (snuffling), one of my friends launched into a conversation about how nervous she was for picture day (due to the horrific pictures she had ended up with in the past), and I had a mini-heart attack. 
It was picture day!!!
I automatically started to rant about how my hair looked like a mess (it had rained on the way to school and I had my hair down the entire time - oops!). My friend offered to do my hair at break (*breaths sigh of relief*), so I did survive. I don't usually like people who rant about their hair as it doesn't really matter much in my opinion, but my worry was due to the fact that in Year 7 girls with long hair had their hair greased back by the the camera woman (!!!) if they could not keep it out of their faces, and my friend's lovely ginger hair had turned out pretty awful. 

Luckily, in the end, my hair did not have to be greased back, and I think I looked alright (if you don't count the fact that my nose probably made me look like Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer under the lighting). The camera woman told me to look happier after the first take, but I didn't really understand how I could possibly do that without raising my eyebrows so that I looked really stupid or showing my brace face, which would have undoubtedly blinded the camera woman. 

So yeah. That was my experience today. Hopefully I will get better soon so that I can try making my first YouTube videos (not that I can guarantee anything even then) and stop sounding like a concussed frog. 

Best wishes, 
Lucy x

(P.S: No, you are not looking at the wrong blog - I changed the name!)

Changes in my blog!

Hey guys :)

For quite a while now I have been thinking about some things I would like to change about my blog, namely:

• It's name
• It's template
• Whether or not I should have a YouTube channel linked to it. 

Let's start with my blog name... 

Although WhatTheFudge is a cool name, I feel like I should have a blog that is more useful in ways of representing my blog and it's content. 

The thing is, I have a few suggestions for what I could re-name my blog, but I need your help to decide. I couldn't possibly use my own name just in case someone from school found it or whatever, so I've narrowed it down to just a few made up names. Please tell me which of these names you prefer, or suggest your own ideas down in the comments:

AutumnLeaves

TheColoursInAutumn

OpenLetters

AutumnLeaves and TheColoursInAutumn are kind of random, although I think they are both gorgeous. 

However, I also love the name OpenLetters, because isn't that just what a blog is? A letter written to the bunch of people inhabiting your own little corner of the internet? It isn't directed to just one person, yet it can often feel as if that one letter was written for that one individual all the same. 

I also brainstormed a few names that referred to my personality, including my shyness. However, I think there is so much more to me than just that, and I realised I have NO IDEA how to describe myself. 

This is the exact same problem I had when trying to create a name for my blog in the first place, which is why I chose "WhatTheFudge" in the end. 

And as for my template... I like the colours, but I am just a bit bored of it. I don't know how I'd find a better template without having to spend an annoying amount of money on it. It would have to be satisfying and free. I'm sure this is just me being picky and silly, but it is annoying me. 

Last but not least, I have been considering YouTube again. 

I know I am probably just going to go through the cycle of setting everything up, trying to talk to a camera, stammering awkwardly and getting annoyed again. I have been through all this before and it stressed me out, which was why I started this blog in the first place. I was really surprised that I stammered while talking to a camera, as I have never stammered before in my life and I don't really get stage fright. I only really feel the pressure when I have to make speeches or talk to new people and my social anxiety kicks in. 

However, I want to give it another try. I don't really know why, I just do. I love the idea of being a YouTuber and giving these open letters a voice at last. Now I have a blog, I kind of feel like I am more prepared.

For instance, if I made a YouTube channel, I would like it to be a lot like my blog in that:

1) It would be a place for myself, strangers of the internet (internet friends) and a small group of friends I decided to share  it with (no one from school would stumble across it).

2) It would be a place for me to share my thoughts and opinions.

3) It would be a fun thing to do on the sidelines of my life (just a kind of hobby).

4) I would discuss the things in life that interested and directly affected me (e.g. teenage years, social anxiety and stuff). 

5) I would help people with my words. 

6) I would meet lovely new people through it. 

7) I would document small parts of my life that I wanted to remember forever. 

8) It would just be a free place for me to rant until I felt slightly better about whatever I was ranting about. 

9) It would just be my little corner of the internet. 

10) I wouldn't have to feel scared of people any more. 

Please tell me what you think of all these things in the comments so that these decisions become a bit easier. I would love to see your opinions :)

Speak to you later,

Lucy x

The good and the bad in the YouTube community

(do not bother reading if you are not bothered by the YouTube community or do not like going into gritty topics)

I (being a person who watches MANY YouTubers) have recently begun to notice more and more how the YouTube community is doing both positive and negative things to people's lives and our society. 

For instance, take the "Zoella Beauty" range. 
As soon as I heard about this, I was so happy for Zoe - as well as excited to buy the range itself! Everything about it seems so sweet from what I've seen on her blog and her vlog channel. And it was all made possible by her blog, YouTube channel and general internet popularity. Isn't it great how someone's life can be completely changed by that?
You will also find examples of this when you look at YouTuber best friends such as Zoe&Louise and Dan&Phil. How else would they have met each other? Some people owe internet fame their friendships, and that is an amazing thing. 

However, there is always a downside to internet fame. Sometimes YouTubers are faced with a scary pressure to satisfy their audience, leading them to panic and upset themselves. Or, in more extreme instances, yes - the Sam Pepper problem. I am not the kind of person who writes bad stuff about people online, but this particular subject really gets on my nerves.

(For more information, watch Laci Green's video)

If Sam Pepper had not been lead to believe that his disgusting public experiment of the "Fake Hand Ass Pinch Prank" would satisfy his audience, would he have still pulled the prank? I think not. 

Why? Because as soon as he realised that what he had posted had caused so much controversy, he carried on to claim that what he had done was simply a "public experiment", and made such a show of it. If you watch his "THE REVEAL" edition of the prank, he claims that he did it all to make people think about sexual harassment and went into a whole lot of rubbish about why he did what he did. This is just a useless excuse. 

And this is not the only instance in which he has made young women feel vulnerable in his "pranks". In the past, he has handcuffed girls and told them that he would only set them free if they kissed him.
Obviously, I am only 14, so I am highly unlikely to be involved in this kind of thing. However, if he did that to me, I would call for help immediately. No matter how you look at it, he is essentially forcing girls to kiss him against their will.
Despite this, in the video, you see girls laughing in bewilderment. As I person who often laughs when in shock, what people don't understand is that laughing is merely a natural response to shock. Just because the person is laughing doesn't mean that they are amused. In situations such as this one, most people are upset, angry or just scared, even when they are laughing. 

This is why I am irritated by the fact that many people seem to be saying "she isn't uncomfortable, she's laughing because it's funny". Nooo. You don't understand what this laugh means. What this laugh means is: Did he really just do that??? -.- or I am terrified but I don't know how to object to this without seeming rude :(

The only thing more annoying than Sam's "prank" is the fact that so many people are defending him when what he did (along with everything else than can be labelled as sexual harassment) is inexcusable. 
It just goes to prove how YouTube, along with many other aspects of social media, can negatively affect people's views on serious issues that are not a laughing matter. Do we really want young people to grow up thinking it's acceptable to pinch people asses in the street, even as a joke??? No it's not, it is sexual harassment, and it is illegal!

This is why I am so happy that this also happened:

This is the kind of behavior that restores my faith in the YouTube community (not that my faith in the community really needs restoring when you look at how many wonderful people are part of it). 

Sorry this wasn't really a positive blog post. I just needed to rant for a while about this, and I figured I may as well blog about it since it is about recent events. I try to be a happy and positive person, but sometimes I feel you just have to vent before you can settle down. 

Rant angrily to you soon,

Lucy x

(jks... hopefully)

(P.S: It has also come to my attention that there is also something worse going on in the YouTube community between Sam Pepper and some very distressed people, though I'm not even going to TRY to go into that.)

For more information: click here to see YouTube Nation's view on this.

First day of school

As you can probably guess, today was my first day of school. It was actually better than I expected :)

The day started out with a 30 minute lie-in, as school started later today than it does usually. This basically meant extra sleep and watching YouTube videos, both of which I consider to be a great use of my time :3
When I got to school, I was given my timetable, which I was extremely happy about, as I got into all the subjects I put down for my GCSEs! These subjects consisted of French, History, Drama and Media Studies :) I was quite lucky to get into Media Studies, as not many people do. 

I thought I would panic more about meeting so many new people as well as some people I haven't spoken to since I was 11, but it was actually less nerve wracking than I thought it would be. Even in my first lesson of the day I was in with one of my best friends who I had never had a lesson with before, so that calmed me down a bit, and all the people I spoke to seemed nice :)

If you started school recently, how was it? Tell me down in the comments :) 

Best wishes,
Lucy x

Pikachu and Punk edits

I know I haven't posted anything in a few days, and that's because I went round my friend's house for two nights and haven't had any time for blogging.
Something I am really happy about at the moment is the fact that it is now cold enough in England to wear onesies! Despite the inconvenience of needing to pee in the night while wearing one, I am slightly in love with them. I mean, just look at my one: 

(I look especially pale because I was in a tent sometime in the evening - luckily I was still cosy and warm!)

Yup, I have a PIKACHU ONESIE. 

It has a tail and everything! Ever since I was a kid I have loved Pokemon, and I suppose I am no different now. Will I ever grow out of Pokemon? 

Ans: Probably not - but I see nothing wrong with that!

In fact, while I was on holiday in New York, we stumbled across a Nintendo shop where I found all of these:

This is just a small insight to how many Pokemon toys they had. Unfortunately, I have not been able to purchase the newest Pokemon DS games, as I do not have the right kind of DS (they insist on only using the 3D ones now), so I didn't know many of the Pokemon stacked on the shelves. I didn't mind though: they still had Pikachu! 

(it's sooo cuuuute!!)

The other thing I wanted to mention is something that I find really awesome, which is punk edits. 

(If you don't know what a punk edit is, it is when people - typically celebrities - are photoshopped to look like punk-rockers)

For a while now, I have found the idea of punk-ifying yourself so cool. I am probably the last person to actually be considered a "punk" (I personally find the music way too intense), but I have been thinking about what I would look like as a punk edit for a while now, and watching Connor Franta and Joey Graceffa's punk edit videos (as well as Marcus Butler's) made me really want to try out the look on myself. Obviously I know that there is so much more to a punk than just dressing the part, it's just that I really like dressing up and this sounds SO FUN. 

I just REALLY want to get my hands on some temporary tattoos and clip-on piercings right now. I'm not really sure what I would do with my hair or what colour hair chalk I would use - my hair is so long that the idea of styling it sounds really challenging! I would probably just settle with some red hair spray left over from Red Nose Day :P

Now I am just waiting for Alfie (PointlessBlog) and Zoe (Zoella) to make their punk-edit video(s). I can't wait! I hope this turns into a popular tag.

Connor Franta, Joey Graceffa and Marcus Butler's videos

Needless to say, with my obsession with dressing up, I am REALLY looking forward to Halloween this year! It is my favourite night of the year. My friends and I have had an idea for our costumes for months on end. I will keep you updated nearer the time! Unfortunately, over the past few years, we have been given a worrying amount weird looks while trick-or-treating as we are looking a lot more grown-up. We might have to cut down on the whole begging-for-sweets part of Halloween this year!

Tell me what you think of punk edits down in the comments :)

I will try to bring you a back-to-school style blog post soon. With school just being around the corner here in England (just one more week!!!), it's finally got me thinking about school supplies, and I now have some stuff coming in the post.

Speak to you soon,

Lucy x

(have a Pikachu for being awesome)

Body Image

Right now, if you asked me what I thought of my appearance, I would honestly tell you that I don't know. 
It's not like I don't pay attention to the way I look, it's just that my opinion on the matter seems to change quite often. Some days I will look in the mirror and quite like what I see. 
I like the way I've styled my hair today, I'll think, or maybe I will comment on my eye make-up or something - you get the idea. 
Despite this, on other days when I look back at my own reflection, I will not see the girl I usually see staring back at me. I'm never quite sure why, but I'll just see this person who immediately makes me want to look away, as if I could hide from her. The same girl I complimented a few days ago is staring back at me, but she has changed somehow. This is weird for me, as although I am quite a shy person overall, I am usually the most confident person in my friend group when it comes to the way I look. I'm not self-obsessed or anything, I just tend to have some really self-conscious friends. 

Anyway, back to the question I mentioned at the beginning. 
If you asked me that same question around this time last year, I would have given you the same answer... except for one thing. 
I would have been lying. 
This time last year, I absolutely HATED the way I looked. The same probably would have gone for the year before that too. I would look in the mirror and feel like I was stuck in a stranger's body most of the time. It sounds cheesy and ridiculous, but I was desperate to one day look in the mirror and see what I felt like inside.

It wasn't just one particular thing about myself; it was more of a large mixture of things. Within that mixture were some aspects of my appearance that I'm still not fond of now, such as my eyebrows, general body shape and face shape, as well as some little things that I shouldn't have even bothered worrying about, such as my bad skin. I know now that this was quite silly, because most teenagers have problems with spots and stuff like that. I had seen many teenagers with skin worse than mine at the time, so I possibly could have even considered myself lucky in comparison (not that it mattered, it shouldn't have been a big deal either way). My skin isn't as bad now, but that's mainly due to the fact that I have found the right products to use on my skin. 

What I'm basically saying is that I was all over the place. I won't go into the details of what I used to tell myself, because that would just be depressing, and no one wants to hear that. I wouldn't tell myself these things constantly, but it only took one bad picture of myself and my self-confidence would come tumbling down around me. 

The oddest part of it all was that it was just me telling myself these horrible things. A lot of my friends who also had (as most of them still have) problems with body image told me how pretty and lucky I was on a regular basis, which I found perplexing.
For some reason, having long blond hair, a (vaguely) curvy body and blue eyes is considered desirable for a woman/girl in this day and age. 
However, I see this as no different from having short brown hair, mid-length red hair, long black hair, a petite/bigger build, a taller/shorter build, brown eyes or green eyes. So whether you have these features or features completely different to these ones I just mentioned, there is no need to worry about the way you look. You may not particularly like your appearance, but you will definitely come across people in life who will like it a lot. Everyone has their own idea of what attractive means - just because you aren't one person's doesn't mean you won't be the next's. 

To be honest though, either way, who cares? People aren't going to stop loving you as a person just because you have blue eyes, a small waist, red hair etc! 
And if you're sure that someone doesn't like you for the way you look, screw them! 

Are you going to cry yourself to sleep every night just because some mean person insulted your appearance? Because whoever that is certainly won't. Don't give power and influence over your life to the people you know don't deserve it.

To conclude:

If you are having similar problems to this, do keep all this in mind. And if you are a generally self-confident person who is reading this - good for you! Just don't let anyone tell you you're big headed for liking your appearance. 

If this helped you at all or you just found this interesting, remember to follow me on blogger and bloglovin. Also, share this with anyone who you think might find this useful - I know quite a few people who could do with getting the message. 

Or, if you are looking for someone else to explain this (possibly someone who can word it better), look at these:

Zoe(Zoella) and Louise(SprinkleOfGlitter)'s Chummy Chatter - Why Are You So Skinny?

Here is a blog post by Zoe related to the same topic: http://www.zoella.co.uk/2011/03/why-are-you-so-skinny.html

Emma Blackery - How You Look and Why It Doesn't Matter

Best wishes, 

Lucy x