Hello, it's me.
Yes, the gif was necessary.
One of the main reasons I've felt so determined to write a blog post was because I really don't want to stop blogging altogether. This website was what got me into creating my own content on the internet before my channel or anything else, and I don't want to lose this. As pretentious as it sounds, this blog is a big part of who I am. It's hard to summarise what's been going on since I last blogged, because there is just so much to say. Last week I took my mock GCSE exams. I know that they are mocks, and are not the real thing, but they were so nerve-wracking. It genuinely felt like taking the real thing (and if this is just a small portion of the stress I will receive next year, then I sure am looking forward to that).
The reason why I think they meant so much to me was because they count towards our predicted grades, which our Sixth Form colleges will receive before we take our actual exams. This means that they will be judging us before we even take the exams in the summer, because we not get receive our results immediately following the exams, and the sixth form colleges need something to go on.
I have not got all of my results back yet as some of my tests are still being marked, though if there's one results that I'm happy with so far is my French reading one, as I received an A*! I've been quite anxious about my French recently as I have felt like I could have been doing better than I have been, so obviously I was thrilled with my mark. Now I need to make sure I focus on my writing assessments, because I have struggled memorising some of those. I think a lot of the pressure I have been feeling could be due to the fact that I have taken French since a young age. You would think this would help, but the fact that I have been learning French for 3-4 years more than everyone else makes me feel like I should always be better, simply because I have that extra experience. At least I now know what I need to focus on to improve!
(Oh God, I sound like a really enthusiastic teacher)
The result that I was definitely dreading the most was definitely my maths result. I have always loathed maths with a fiery passion that resides deep within my soul (it's that bad). What I really hate about maths is that there's no room for opinions or interpretation. Your answer is either right or wrong, which I hate, not only because I find that incredibly boring but also because I am a very opinionated person (I have an opinion on everything!). I know that this is the exact same reason why some people love maths: they'd rather not share their opinion and enjoy the simplicity of the subject.
For some reason though, I was especially nervous about this exam. I had to take two: the non-calculator test and the calculator test. First was the non-calculator test, and I'd been unsatisfied with my results, so I was petrified that I would fail. The calculator test was the last of my exams, so there had been a huge build-up to it. It was like the stress of one exam plus my hatred of maths plus all the stress of the other exams, so needless to say I was glad that I wouldn't have to sit any more after that.
Long story short, after enduring a rather horrible panic attack before the exam yet still going in to finish it, I ended up passing with a C! I know that for some people a C would be disappointing, but I was so glad I passed as maths is most likely my worst subject (maybe with the exception of PE, but I don't get examined on that), and I thought that was pretty bloody miraculous after having a panic attack beforehand.
Now that our mock exams our over, the sixth form open days will take place, which I'm excited for. Today I visited the sixth form that I think I am most likely to go to, but obviously I can't be sure yet. Nevertheless, I enjoyed my visit and the atmosphere. I found it weird to see students who weren't in uniform, as I have worn school uniform for as long as I have been in education (though obviously that wasn't the only thing I liked about the place!).
I think I am going to go now because I am so tired that I feel as if my brain consists of cotton wool, and I have had a long day (I was knocked off my bike this morning on my way to school, but that is a different story).
Speak to you soon (if I manage to keep this up),
Lucy xx
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